Guess what Comcast, “You’re Fired!”
There is a lot of crap going on in the world. I think. See for the last 10 months or so, I have had this weird phenomenon going on in my life. On August 3rd of last year, midway through the Olympics, I called Comcast and said, “Hey dudes, we are leaving. We are selling this house, selling a bunch of our stuff at a garage sale, and getting the heck out Dodge (well leaving in a Dodge Journey anyways). We are no longer in need or your services. You are fired. Now pack this box and this remote and get your stuff out of here.
We said goodbye to the high prices every month, the ridiculous fights over the remote, and the power outages that happened seemingly all the time. We also said goodbye to live sports like the rest of the Olympics, good television shows and just a nice background noise while we were playing games on our phones, tablets and laptops.
The best thing we left behind, besides the rain, was news. The news is the stuff that fuels my bitterness. The news is depressing, and the they only report the tragedies, but the worst is the personalities that tell us the news. Have you watched the local yokels try to read teleprompters? Or the street reporters try to make it through a live broadcast without having some ning nang try to interrupt them? They are all so bad at delivering the depressing craps we come to expect.
La di da di da…
But, really now that I have no access to these people, I have an advantage over all of you. I have no idea what is going on in the world. I used to have a little idea, because TV would occasionally blurt something out while I was watching sports, or interrupt my show with something that belonged on C-Span, but now I have no idea what is going on. Did Leo ever win that Oscar he kept losing all the time? What happened with MTV cribs? Did we ever get that MC Hammer crib tour we were promised?
Oh and Micheal Phelps, is he still winning gold medals? I think he was about to win one last time we had TV. Oh, and I assume Obama won again right? I think he was favored over Mitt Romney last time I checked.
You guys may need to update me from time to time on the latest Kardashian/movie/celeb drama on my MySpace.com feed or I just might not know what is going on. In the meantime, did you know that Andy became the manager of Dunder Mifflin? Oh, I probably should have spoiler warned you, but Micheal Scott decided to leave the Office to get married to Holly.
Trust me, we are going to get back to civilization sometime. I sold my 60 inch TV, with the promise of a bigger, better payoff (IE 70 inch 4K plasma and a man cave to go along with it). Maybe we will watch sports and shows and do our best to avoid the things, but the news will pop up occasionally and I won’t be able to plead oblivious anymore, but I will sure pretend to be oblivious anyways. I guess that along with an amazing TV comes the bitter responsibility of knowing thing again. And that is the bitter truth.
ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Advantage Oblivious Ben