The Longest Time of the Year for Bitter Bloggers

You don’t need to go outside to see this. People take pictures on blogs for you.

It just heard that today is the longest day of the year. That means that people are out celebrating. I keep hearing this promotion about making this the longest day of golf, by playing 18 holes of golf in two locations. That is just crazy talk. Why would people want to spend time outside all day with the sun? Don’t they know it causes problems like excessive happiness and cool sunglasses to come out?

It also causes epidemics like exercise and good fresh air. These things need to stop.

This excessive need to be outdoors is causing problems. What about all the neglect and abuse caused to air conditioning. How do you think that summer television feels with all its programming being ignored. But you know the worst crime of all?

Every year around this time, we’ve got a WordPress problem. All the people that are normally blogging like crazy, pumping out post after post, the ones that like to comment, like and reblog start to lose momentum. They decide that spending time with their families is more important. They think that getting out and doing things now that their kids are out of school is something they have to do.

There is this phenomenon that people have to squeeze all their fun and excitement and two week vacations around this weird summertime/school being out/warm weather time of year.

Can’t go hiking when you are on the couch, but you can read blogs. You’re welcome.

It’s starting to cramp the style of all these bitter bloggers that just need you to stop paying attention to your families and your vacations and your outdoors and start paying back your attentions to bitterness and blogging.

We have bitterness to spread. We have important things for you to know. We have whining and complaining that you need to hear.

And you are ignoring it. I don’t know if we need to start playing Sarah McLachlin music for you, or telling you that saving a blogger only takes the same amount of time to read as cost of a cup of an amusement park ride, or if we need to do a celebrity TV a thon to save poor bloggers content that is being ignored in corners of internet.

Please do your part for all these neglected bloggers. Stop using your valuable time with your family. Stop planning all these vacations. Stop going to the movies, or visiting aquariums, or amusement parks. You are not children anymore. Stop trying to recapture your youth. Stop thinking that being outside is a good thing.

Start reading blogs. These are the things that will keep you bitter. And they will keep my stats up. And that will keep me on the couch where I belong during the summer.

ARRRRRGHHHHHH

Bitter Longest Day of the Year Ben

 

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24 thoughts on “The Longest Time of the Year for Bitter Bloggers

  1. I don’t even like summer, or spending time outdoors and my family doesn’t even like me. So you are stuck with me reading and commenting on your blog for all eternity. You must have done something very bad to deserve that. Also, I hope you keep making bitter blog posts for all eternity or I will be doomed to disappointment.

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    • You bitter believe I will be doing them for all eternity. Like I will ever run out of things to be bitter about, or have anything better to do.
      Yeah, outside and the summer is the worst. Just stay inside where the air conditioning runs.

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  2. Amen, Ben. It’s like a mass exodus from WP out there, folks so busy grilling and hiking and golfing and whoosing down slides at water parks that they just leave us hanging, twisting in the

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  3. I have good news and bad news for you.
    Good news: There are plenty of bloggers in Australia and the southern hemisphere who are beginning their “winter” and are not necessarily out in the sun. They may be more than bitterly happy to comment on your posts.
    More good news: It’s raining here and I won’t be going outside for a walk.
    Bad news: I’m on vacation next week. I’ll probably be out in the sun and heat…if it stops raining.

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    • That sounds like a whole lot of news. I don’t know what to make of all of it. As you may know, I don’t really like watching the news. Anyways, thanks a lot for going on vacation. A huge decrease to my blog following now. What a dry week that will be.

      Liked by 1 person

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