Things that happen in my rear view.
When we left Seattle, I knew there would be some things I would miss, like my co-workers (because my aim is pretty bad). I also knew there were also some things I would glad to leave in my rear view. The constant rain, the insane amount of green, gray and trees, and the location of all the worst books in the history of bookdumb (Uh hello, Fifty Shades of Gray, Twilight and some other books I’m sure I’m missing.) They couldn’t hold onto an NBA team that had Kevin Durant, they couldn’t find a baseball team that could win after 2001, and there was all that fishiness. I mean, I’m sure some people enjoy fish for every meal, but I sure would have liked to have a burger every once in a while.
Speaking of burgers, you know how sometimes you want to have a delicious one, but since you are poor, because people haven’t given you back all that money they don’t owe you, so you have to go to McDonald’s instead? And you know how you can barely ever even get off the couch to go to the fridge, because you are lazy, but the fridge is empty and you need to eat? So you drag yourself off the couch and get in the car and drive down to McDonald’s to get a freaking McGreasy with a side of potato salty’s and water with a little Sprite flavoring?
Well, I used to think that the drive thru’s in Seattle were bad. And I was glad to leave them behind. Unfortunately, I was quickly indoctrinated with the knowledge that Seattle drive thru’s were below average, but they are still a slight notch above the abysmal ones here. In Utah’s drive thru defense, the people here may have their PHD’s in software management, but none of them have come close to passing when it comes to getting past their kindergarten education in drive thru’s.
Case in point. My wife and I were merrily shopping (just kidding, bitterly) for some stuff for our kids to unwrap and quickly forget on December 25th and got a little hungry. Since we were alone we figured we could go somewhere nice to eat, but just spent all our money on our kid’s forgettable gifts, so we decided that we must eat cheap crap instead.
Low and behold, there was a Taco Bell. It was late, but we wanted to go inside. Unfortunately, we were late for class by one minute and you bitter believe the 16 year old grease master detention teacher wasn’t going to let us in, cause if he takes an order after 9:01 pm, he might turn into a respectable teen that listens to his mom.
So we have to do the drive thru. Luckily, there was only one person in front of us, so it wouldn’t take but a minute or two right? Wrong. Remember how people around here can’t seem to graduate in the kindergarten drive-thru program? Well, the lady in front of us apparently didn’t study for her drive-thru exam and had all kinds of questions for the grease master detention teacher.
“Um, can you tell me what is on the menu?”
“Well, we have meat, and we have cheese, and we have taco shells.”
“What else do you have?”
“We have sugar mixed with carbonation, and several different flavor combinations. We call those things soda.”
“What was the thing with the meat and the cheese?”
“That’s one of our newest delectable dishes. We love it so much we named THE STORE after it. It’s a Taco.”
I’m so confused. So you have things with meat and cheese and taco shells?
Back and forth, they went, while we waited impatiently, rubbing our hands together and mocking the crap out of a person that doesn’t know what is on a Taco Bell menu.
Then there is the history’s worst McDonald’s right up the street. How did they know to have the worst one in the history right next the bitterest person in the world? They must have known there would be some major fireworks happening every time I went there. I think they would have been better off selling fireworks than hamburgers. Because they suck at that. And they are even worse at figuring out how to take an order and simultaneously filling it. No joke…I repeated that I wanted a Sausage McMuffin three times and all three times a Sausage EGG McMuffin appeared on the screen.
Another time I ordered a Chicken Sandwich for my daughter and a Southwest salad with Crispy chicken for my wife and I get up to the window, and THE MANAGER tells me that he only has one patty of chicken and that either the wife or the daughter gets the crispy. Knowing that I don’t want to mess with either of those two, I tell him, “I’ll wait..” …until the world’s largest seller of chicken (even more than KFC) can pull their head out of their donkey (I assumed, of course they had enough beef).
So that’s what happened to the other chicken in the store…
And then there was the time I drove thru…their building. But that is a story for another time.
That’s how Jason Bourne does drive thru.
So what about you? What are you drive thru fails? What is your craziest drive thru story?
ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Drive thru Ben