Drive Thru disasters

Things that happen in my rear view.

Things that happen in my rear view.

When we left Seattle, I knew there would be some things I would miss, like my co-workers (because my aim is pretty bad). I also knew there were also some things I would glad to leave in my rear view. The constant rain, the insane amount of green, gray and trees, and the location of all the worst books in the history of bookdumb (Uh hello, Fifty Shades of Gray, Twilight and some other books I’m sure I’m missing.) They couldn’t hold onto an NBA team that had Kevin Durant, they couldn’t find a baseball team that could win after 2001, and there was all that fishiness. I mean, I’m sure some people enjoy fish for every meal, but I sure would have liked to have a burger every once in a while.

Speaking of burgers, you know how sometimes you want to have a delicious one, but since you are poor, because people haven’t given you back all that money they don’t owe you, so you have to go to McDonald’s instead? And you know how you can barely ever even get off the couch to go to the fridge, because you are lazy, but the fridge is empty and you need to eat? So you drag yourself off the couch and get in the car and drive down to McDonald’s to get a freaking McGreasy with a side of potato salty’s and water with a little Sprite flavoring?


Well, I used to think that the drive thru’s in Seattle were bad. And I was glad to leave them behind. Unfortunately, I was quickly indoctrinated with the knowledge that Seattle drive thru’s were below average, but they are still a slight notch above the abysmal ones here. In Utah’s drive thru defense, the people here may have their PHD’s in software management, but none of them have come close to passing when it comes to getting past their kindergarten education in drive thru’s.

Case in point. My wife and I were merrily shopping (just kidding, bitterly) for some stuff for our kids to unwrap and quickly forget on December 25th and got a little hungry. Since we were alone we figured we could go somewhere nice to eat, but just spent all our money on our kid’s forgettable gifts, so we decided that we must eat cheap crap instead.

Low and behold, there was a Taco Bell.  It was late, but we wanted to go inside. Unfortunately, we were late for class by one minute and you bitter believe the 16 year old grease master detention teacher wasn’t going to let us in, cause if he takes an order after 9:01 pm, he might turn into a respectable teen that listens to his mom.

So we have to do the drive thru. Luckily, there was only one person in front of us, so it wouldn’t take but a minute or two right? Wrong. Remember how people around here can’t seem to graduate in the kindergarten drive-thru program? Well, the lady in front of us apparently didn’t study for her drive-thru exam and had all kinds of questions for the grease master detention teacher.

“Um, can you tell me what is on the menu?”

“Well, we have meat, and we have cheese, and we have taco shells.”

“What else do you have?”

“We have sugar mixed with carbonation, and several different flavor combinations. We call those things soda.”

“What was the thing with the meat and the cheese?”

“That’s one of our newest delectable dishes. We love it so much we named THE STORE after it. It’s a Taco.”

I'm so confused. So they have things with meat and cheese and taco shells?

I’m so confused. So you have things with meat and cheese and taco shells?

Back and forth, they went, while we waited impatiently, rubbing our hands together and mocking the crap out of a person that doesn’t know what is on a Taco Bell menu.

Then there is the history’s worst McDonald’s right up the street. How did they know to have the worst one in the history right next the bitterest person in the world? They must have known there would be some major fireworks happening every time I went there. I think they would have been better off selling fireworks than hamburgers. Because they suck at that. And they are even worse at figuring out how to take an order and simultaneously filling it.  No joke…I repeated that I wanted a Sausage McMuffin three times and all three times a Sausage EGG McMuffin appeared on the screen.

Another time I ordered a Chicken Sandwich for my daughter and a Southwest salad with Crispy chicken for my wife and I get up to the window, and THE MANAGER tells me that he only has one patty of chicken and that either the wife or the daughter gets the crispy. Knowing that I don’t want to mess with either of those two, I tell him, “I’ll wait..” …until the world’s largest seller of chicken (even more than KFC) can pull their head out of their donkey (I assumed, of course they had enough beef).

So that's what happened to the other chicken in the store...

So that’s what happened to the other chicken in the store…

And then there was the time I drove thru…their building. But that is a story for another time.


That’s how Jason Bourne does drive thru.

So what about you? What are you drive thru fails? What is your craziest drive thru story?


Bitter Drive thru Ben


109 thoughts on “Drive Thru disasters

  1. You always make me laugh. Thought about this today when I was at a drive-thru and the woman in front of me couldn’t roll down her window so she had to open the door to order and get her food. MADE ME CRAZY! I just feel like lady, go INSIDE! lol OH and the person that adds to their order when they pull up to pay. Seriously? I just want my chicken biscuit and coffee! lol


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  3. Do toll booths count? My husband has the worst luck with them, and he is a bitter soul to begin with. Every time he pulls up to a toll booth, no matter how short the line is, we end up waiting. Either the person in front of us is in the wrong lane or the toll booth attendants are changing shifts. Aargh!


    • Yep, you drive thru them right? And to be honest, should they really even be charging people to drive on roads? In Seattle they just started charging electronically, so you can get charged by SurprisE!


  4. does it count if it isn’t a fast food drive-thru? once in arlington, va. the cab took me to the bank. they were closed inside, so i went to the drive -thru and they wouldn’t allow a person without a car (Wachovia/ wells fargo) to use the drive thru and i had to wait for an hour for my cab to come back,b/c it was a scheduled appointment…


  5. After midnight on my 18th birthday, some friends and I, who didn’t have cars, walked up to a Taco Bell drive-thru and convinced them to sell us some burritos anyway. But no cool stories since then, since I am now basically anti-fast food and eat whatever is the opposite of McDonald’s.


  6. Let’s see. There are so many. The Starbucks that is conveniently near me never fails to have some Yoga Pants in a CIA issued Chevy Tahoe in front of me in the drive thru. She has to have a full blown discussion on where soy milk comes from, is it organic, what is the caloric content…who the f cares, lady? There is a pumpkin spice latte calling my name. By the time, I get to the window, 8 f’ng hours later, the barista, gives me a drink that I didn’t order with a cup that bears the name of Sarah. So, then we have to remake the drink whilst the people behind me honk their horns. It is a vicious cycle of hell but there are no other reasonable coffee shops in my hood. UGH!!!! ARGH!!!


  7. A friend of mine recently went through a Dairy Queen drive-thru and ordered a chicken basket. As she waited her turn at the window, the person in front of her paid, got his/her food, but then kept sitting there and seemed to be talking to the DQ employee. Next thing my friend knows, the person in front of her pays again and the employee promptly hands the driver my friend’s chicken basket, which must have been sitting at the window and enticing the driver enough to purchase it for him/herself. The driver leaves, a warm chicken basket nestled in the passenger seat, I’m sure. When my friend pulls up to the window, the employee says, “Ma’am, it’ll be just a minute on your chicken basket.”


  8. I have, in the past, been forced to honk at the inconsiderate SOB who won’t park and go inside to yell at the drive through about their order. It’s so annoying. Most of us go home with it and add the mayo ourselves.


    • I just can’t imagine that someone would go to a Taco Bell and not understand that they sell Taco’s there. I mean really? Or some SOB that can’t figure out to get some Mayo on his burger? Like he needs to berate at 16 year old for his burger? He’s probably the type that yells at his wife for not having dinner on the table.

      Liked by 1 person

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