Have you ever felt too adequate? Ever felt way too appreciated by all the Twitter followers you bought for $99? Ever felt like your uniqueness as person has made you a little too special? Your athletic talent made you feel vastly superior to everyone else? Ever felt like your voice was so much better than other people’s that you should get paid lots of money for it? Yeah, I know. Being that great is a burden that is almost too much to bear. We all feel for you. And we are here for you. We know how being perfect can make you feel so alienated from the rest of us. And I know it can be hard always seeing nothing but blue skies and sunny days. You’ve got your standing ovation ending right?
The end. Roll credits.
The people’s names scrolling down the screen right now…these people worked all these hours on your movie. The director, the producers, the cinematographer, the key grip, the set designer, even the other actors in your life spent 100’s of hours, millions of dollars and moved millions of atom particles around for your life movie. The hype machine is rolling and everyone’s going to love it right? There is just one little thing.
This one little speck of dust in your universe. This bitter burr in your side. This fly in the ointment. This spur in your shoe. This John McClane to your Hans Gruber.
There is this little Bitter Blogger that is here to help. He will help you remember that you are but a tiny speck of dust compared to the rest of the universe. He will remind you that your favorite movie had a happy ending after all the suffering, but that things happen after the credits. He will remind you that your favorite happy memory is in the past. He will help you remember that you aren’t an author like you wanted to be, you aren’t the firemen you said you were going to be when you grew up, and you aren’t a pretty, pretty pegasus princess with a huge crown, and a castle to run.
If you listen really carefully, this bitter blogger is ready to help that surefire Box Office Smash success of yours turn into the WaterWorld, Lone Ranger, and The Adventures of Pluto Nash all rolled into one in a hurry with just a few easy steps. Come listen to the soothing sounds of fingers on a chalkboard, come feel the deep down crushing failure as it seeps through your bones and glance at your life’s work as it gets crushed in an instant like the Soda Pressing guy.
Just remember that there are no small parts in your play, just small bitter people that are willing to help you become more bitter.
ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Part Being Played Ben
I’m having flashbacks of my childhood of my mom shooting down every big career I wanted. Doctor= you can’t handle blood and guts. Archeologist= your phobia of snakes. Astronaut= your claustrophobia. Funny post!!
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Always nice to have someone to support your career goals. And flashbacks to a bitter time. The best!
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Before the end rolls…the one who is successful has moved on , not wasting anytime on past achievement . There is no time for entertaining a bitter blogger who has lots of bitterness , which is not needed for a person of such a stature…After the end..names that roll is turned off…but the story line lingers in mind….but hey! you don’t know…because you are slow 🙂
na na na na…aaaaaaaaaaarggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh
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Arrrrgggghhhh you got me good this time.
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😉
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I feel the need to go lay down on the couch now. Well done!! 😉
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I always feel that need.
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I’m not a pretty, pretty pegasus princess with a huge crown and a castle to run?!?!?!?!?!
Oh. Right. My boss reminds me of that every day! 😉
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Well, no one else is, except for you I meant. Your boss needs a little education about who you really are and how she treats you. She should be bringing you cherry limeade whenever you snap your fingers.
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She should! Cherry limeade is the best. Well, second to you anyway.
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All I know is your boss needs a little kick in the pants, like you moving on and her being left to find someone who will enjoy getting berated all day.
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i’m not sure (nor am I sure you may or may not have been sure) what this was about. so, of course, i’ll continue. I REALLY felt like having a beer at about 10 this a.m. but somehow have held off ’til a few minutes from now when I get up off the couch. I tend to grow butt-roots into the couch-cushions so it’s more diffy/occult than it should be to get up. and then if, due to humidity or universal stoopydnous, or whatever, you perspire and axially STICK to the couch.
oh yeah, in your case, there could AND SHOULD be an entire BITTER SERIES of movies about your life and what your life seems to be. but it’s mostly how it’s perceived. I just threw that in ’cause it sounds like I should have been wearing a tweed jacket (with pants on, and shoes). speakin’ of, I just have shorts (no sox) and a dirty t-shirt rite now but you already knew that.
in my royal court in the future when I beckumm emperor of whatever universe, or perhaps a smaller part of the universe, you will definitely/deafeningly be asked to be the MINISTER (& ADVISOR) OF ALL THINGS BITTER. the call might not come real soon, but …
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It was all about the universe and how we can easily be humbled by the mere size of it. And also how I can make most people bitter about their movie that is life by telling them how bad the critics will lambast it.
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“Soda pressing” LOL! I can’t believe I was once against puns, they are the best!
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I don’t know if you read my guest post on Puns, but I think that pretty much explains how much puns are needed.
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I did read that (I’m not a stalker, I swear). But when I was younger I didn’t see the brilliancy of puns. Thank goodness I changed my mind when I grew up. Puns are the best!
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I kind of learned my sense of humor doing puns, so I’m always glad I did. And honestly the best part of puns is hearing people groan when you say them.
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This reads like a bad Prince song remake….
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I used to write for a Prince imitator, so that might explain why it sounded like that.
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I should have put up the 99.00…I’m such a loser!
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I wish I had more money so I could buy some followers. Then I would be up to 10 instead of my regular 5.
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I have been panning for followers myself. Just got rocks.
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Not much gold out there this time of year. I guess you just have to wait until Halloween where everyone starts blogging again.
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I’m addition you can get those chocolate gold coins.
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And I can dress up as bitter as I want and people won’t notice.
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I say wear your bitterness proudly.
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I wear it on my shirts too. I even have one that says I am so bitter on it.
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I want one of those , of course one can see by the look on my face 🙂
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of course i’mma rock !
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Thanks, I needed that…
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Actually, I’m the one that needed it. I was talking to myself mostly.
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You always put everything into perspective!
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I always put things bitterly that is for sure.
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Properly humbled😌😂😂😂😂
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Welcome to the Bitter Side, where the force is neither Good or Bad, just bitter.
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Thanks for the bitter review. Now I’ll keep my eyes shut when I watch the movie about my life.
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Yeah, I try to keep mine closed whenever I’m on the couch napping.
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