The Unlimited Pool of Dada

The Bitter Farmer.

The Tall, Clumsy, Bitter Farmer.

Once upon a time, a tall, clumsy, bitter farmer lived in a dark land near the forest. Though privileged in many ways compared to many in the land, he always found a way to complain about how bitter his life was. The cloud covered the sun too much, the air contained a foul stench, there were too many horse carriages on the dirt paths, his co-farmers were so annoying. He was always complaining to himself.  Nobody else would listen to his whining and complaining.

One day when he was wandering in the dark forest, muttering under his breath about the stupid king elections (why vote when the choice for king was either the bizarre Elephant prince with bad hair that wanted to build a wall, or the rivalry Donkey Kingdom that was trying to put a queen in charge that couldn’t keep her personal scrolls and her private scrolls separate) he came upon a crystal clear pool of water. It was the brightest blue water he had ever seen. When he reached down to touch the water, he felt his thoughts about the elections being sucked from his mind.

A small ship appeared in the middle of the pool with all his thoughts perfectly placed on the ship. The ship multiplied into several smaller ships, and flowed down into 4 separate streams. In an instant, the little ships were gone. The farmer freaked out and vowed to never come back here again.

The next day when he was trying to get some bacon out of one of his pigs, he ended up falling in the mud. He wiped the filthy mud from his face and shook his fist straight up in the air, hoping that it would at least rain like it had for the last two weeks, but to no avail. It was 90 degrees and sunny. His co-farmer came to him and said, “Hey Bitter Be…hey what are you doing in the mud?”

“Just trying to get some bacon. Help me up?”

“Oh no thanks. Just wanted to tell you that your thoughts on the king elections are so on the spot. Well, good luck with the bacon. I’m going to go get an omelette at the International Farmhouse of Gruel. You know, IFOG.”

As he laid there cursing his idiot co-farmer, he said under his breath, “How did he know my thoughts about the king election?” He paused. “The pool!”

International Farmhouse of Gruels best dish.

International Farmhouse of Gruels best dish.

He forgot all about the bacon (just kidding, bacon is everything. Of course he ate it all.) and after breakfast immediately ran toward the pool he vowed never to return to. After taking a long bath in the crystal clear pool, to get all the mud off, he got out and noticed that it was still clear. Then something even more magical happened. The little ships that had floated off in the streams yesterday floated toward him.

Thoughts of other villagers returned. “The prince is an idiot. And that queen from the other land? She is just as bad! Why can’t we have elect that court jester? At least he isn’t a crook!” Other messages appeared on the little ships. Some just had a thumbs up, others just said “Like”. Whenever the Bitter Farmer had time to visit the pool, it would read his bitter thoughts and the ships would carry them across the land.

And every time he returned, there would be ships with messages. For years the Bitter Farmer had unlimited access to the pool, he called the Dada Pool and its access to the streams he called the Live Stream. No matter how much he used the pool, it never ran out. After 15 years though, the BF ran out…of patience with his farm and the dark land near the forest with the pool.

So, he packed up all his belongings, (which were way more than could fit on his own wagon) and stuffed most of them into a UWagon, which he rented from the local Wagonry and trudged across the country to Brightland. BF wasn’t quite prepared for this new land, so he was given a small part of his father’s acreage to tend to until he could make his way in the new land. He was just as bitter in the new land, but in different ways.

The Live Stream.

The Live Stream.

When he was done unpacking his belongings, he ventured out in the new land. Again he found a pool. It was just as magical. It had the same little ships that read his new bitter thoughts. But this pool was different. Because it was drier in this land, the pool wasn’t as deep. It delivered the ships, but not as fast. The streams were narrower. The pool was shared not only with the BF, but also other co-farmers.

The magical Pool of Unlimited Dada.

The magical Pool of Unlimited Dada.

For the first time in 15 years, Bitter Farmer was limited by how many times he could use pool. He didn’t like to be limited because he couldn’t use the stream to watch the magic transmission mirror show the International Physical Contests in the South Beach Land full of mosquitoes. He had to limit the use of the Dada Pool to send scrolls to people about when he couldn’t make it to their Barn Raising. He couldn’t play his village battle simulations with his duel handed magic wand without seeing the pool go dry by the end of the month. It made him have to go outside and do stuff like put wheat tusks in his mouth instead of sitting on his cowhide cushion in his house.

And he lived bitterly ever after.

He did wonder what the little ships returning back to him would think about having their Pools of Dada limited and the Live streams slowed to a crawl by the end of the month.

Ye Old Time Arrrrrgghhhh

Bitter Pools of Dada Farmer


20 thoughts on “The Unlimited Pool of Dada

  1. I am working the elections for Polk County so I can not take sides. There are four possibles and I figure it is a box. I think out of the box so I am irrational. Bitter will be November. I look for four years of bitter herbs no matter who wins. I will be seventy five years old when the next election occurs. God save me, the queen, or king and the country. The hand basket will be in hell or high water. So be it, said Shakespeare waving his feathery pen.


  2. Aw man, how tough. So no high-speed cable internet eh? Is the bitter farmer stuck with Dish or DirectTV? Or dial-up? He should have scouted ahead before moving to that new land. What a terribly sad story. I’m going to feel bitter about it all day. After I finish laughing.


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