I hate to say it, but I actually don’t really. I think I need to get some of those resuscitation paddles and yell, “Clear”! I don’t know if I need to pump you full of some adrenaline, or lace your caffeine with more caffeine, or shine a bright light in your face, or get a really loud alarm, because you guys have been lethargic lately. There has been no energy on WordPress lately and you guys need to snap out of it. I know it isn’t only me. I’ve done some research and found that one other person thought the same thing, so it must be true.
It’s pretty pathetic that the most lethargic, lazy, bitter, monotone voiced, non motivation speaker has to be the one to tell you this, but you guys have been lethargic, lazy, bitter, monotone voiced, and non motivational people lately. That is my role, and you guys are the ones that are supposed to be the ones with energy. This role reversal is uncomfortable for all of us, so we need to reverse this curse immediately, or Mercury might start spinning on its retrograde incorrectly and come to earth to destroy this nap I’m about to go take as soon as I finish this life draining motivational speech.
It’s bad you guys. So bad, that I almost willingly did work at work yesterday, because I was getting tired from all the energy you weren’t putting out yesterday. I almost felt like helping people out, and skipping lunch. I was so tired from the lack of energy, that I was too tired to take a nap.
This is the humor section of WordPress people! I know none of you are stand up comedians, or sitcom stars or even your graduating classes, “Most Likely to Be a Class Clown”, but could you at least try to sprinkle a pun or two into your posts? Or make fun of someone at your work, or tell a bitter story about your kid that made you so bitter that the rest of the world could laugh at you? Geez Louise people.
Time to quit thinking that just because it is May, you can “go outdoors” and “have activities with your family” and get busy “going on vacation”.
Drafts are begging to be written, with Sarah McLachlan music playing in the background asking you to pledge just $40 a day, to help these poor neglected posts. Like buttons being so overworked on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter, that they have no more energy to be used on WordPress. Comment sections are full of tumbleweed rolling across them, with only occasional buzzards dropping by to offer “Buy Followers for only $50.”
Time for you “humorous” people to get back to doing what you are supposed to be doing. Time for you start avoiding work, and fun, and family and obligations again, so we can get back to annoying each other. Time for us stop being so productive and get bitter so we can turn to WordPress to get us through our pathetic lives. Get the word out to all you friends. I don’t care if you have to Tweet it, Instagram it, Pin it, Facebook it, Vine it, or whatever, but I need to go back to my normal bitter routine. You need to do this for me, so I can go back to being the lazy, lethargic, pathetic, bitter one.
Bitter Wake Up So I can Sleep Ben