Most people think of Thanksgiving as a way to spend time with their families and friends and shopping the early sales or watching football. Not me. To me, it is all about the laziness. The sitting around of the couch, the sitting around of the buffet, the sitting around of the napping, the sitting around of the TV and sitting around of the video gaming. This weekend felt a little off though. It just didn’t feel like I was efficiently lazy enough.
So I got to thinking about how I could be more efficient (which is always a dangerous thing for me) and video games and TV immediately popped into my head. Samus from Metroid and Terminator from Terminator, or Iron Man from Iron Man 3 have these amazing Head Up Displays which give them all kinds of information. Why not get one to help me figure out how to be more lazy?
This amazing device, which I assume someone will invent for me, along with giving me royalties for inventing, will give me all the information I need in the house, car, or around people. It will give me all the stats I need on efficient remote control layout, food to reach ratio, and the easiest amount of pressure it takes to push a button without getting too warn out. It will give me the perfect way to lay and wake me just in time for my favorite show, and have all the proper inputs for the TV so I don’t have to leave the couch.
The best part about it, is it will give me all the right ways to avoid people. The routes, the best people to accidentally get bumped together and if absolutely necessary, stats and all the likes and dislikes of people so I will know just the wrong thing to say to get someone to leave me alone. Does Bob have a feud going on with his dad? Mention something about his dad to get him so uncomfortable he can’t help but say he has to go to the bathroom. Is Susan allergic to peanuts? Make sure she tries the dip that has just the tiniest amount of peanuts in the salsa for her to break out in hives and never want to party with you again.
When life gives too much to do, become like your favorite cyborg, or video game character, except the lazy version. The one that doesn’t save the world or destroy it. Use your HUD to guarantee your optimal laziness, because doing it yourself is just another thing you have to do and no one has time for that.
Bitter HUD Ben