Starlight Blogger Award – Bitter Award Acceptance Speech


I’m not gonna lie.  I’ve been nominated for these made up blog awards many times and have never done anything with them.  Some bloggers love them because they give them something to blog about when they can’t think of something.  Others love them because they feel like other bloggers care about them enough to nominate them.  Then there are others like me who don’t appreciate them at all and should because he is never going to get an award for anything else ever in life.  But you know me.  Never appreciative when I should be and always appreciate when I shouldn’t be.  Just how I work.

So normally, I will respond with some bad line back, like “When should I show up for the awards banquet? What should I be wearing?” and then just drop it.  Or I did a post a long time ago with awards I was nominated for in a separate page called Awards I Didn’t Deserve so all those people bitter enough to nominate could be recognized for their sheer bitterness for nominating me for anything.  Well, another blogger finally strongarmed me enough by going all Godfather on me.

I told Sophia thanks for the nomination and she said Great can’t wait to hear your answers to the questions.  And I said But I don’t normally do these awards and she basically said, Great, can’t wait to hear your answers and post.  So basically she strong armed me into doing this.  I hope you are happy Sophia.

Anyways, it says there are three rules, which I intend not to follow, because I’m a rule breaker like that. Thank the person that nominated you.  No thank you Sophia.  I do not thank you for nominating me.  Though you can visit her blog Far Side of Normal because she does funny stuff or whatever.

I’m supposed to answer three questions. This sounds like a freaking interview which I hate not only in job searches, but when I do a movie or whatever, but here goes.

1. If I could change one thing in history, what would it be and why?  I would go back to Alexander Graham Bell’s time and start giving him hints that he should never invent the telephone.  The phone is the worst invention ever because you have to talk on it. I saw the phone app on the smartphone should be optional.  The ring is annoying, people are annoying, the phone was never a good idea.  I would however be working on a different thing called a Bitterphone which didn’t allow you to take calls, but allowed you to do way less annoying things like Bexting, Instabenning, Facebenning, and Bwitter.  All four faces of Mount Rushmore would be mine and nowadays we would be working on more worthwhile things like inventing a flying car.

2. What is something I’ve always wanted to do but was too scared to? Stand up comedy.  I love comedy so much that it almost hurts everyday that I’m either not trying to be funny or hearing someone else be funny.  I practice in front of my family, but they’ve heard every joke. I practice on this blog, but a lot of people don’t find me funny because they just think I’m always bitter(which I don’t blame them for. Kind of the theme of my blog and life.) And honestly, most people don’t get my comedy, because it is so sarcastic and quick witted and dry that it probably doesn’t translate well to stand up, but if I was brave enough, I would do it.  I’ve always wanted to try something different like doing a Sit Down Comedian act, and that is partly where my Bitter News from the Couch comes from, which is why I’m still doing it, regardless of how terribly monotone my voice is, and how badly produced those videos are, or how few people actually view them.

3. What is your zombie apocalypse survival plan? I actually covered this idea a long time ago on a blog post.  Honestly I’m not a huge fan of zombie movies or shows or video games.  I think way too many people talk about it and the subject is played out for me. But my survival plan would simply be to not survive it.  I’m way too lazy to run for days and way too nervous of a person to not get scared the crap out of if one was behind a door.  I’m a terrible shot, I would always be hungry, I hate getting dirty, and can’t stand people or zombies for the most part, so I would give in early. Just become a zombie.  Not the running after people constantly one, but the lazy kind that would sit on the couch and watch TV kind.  I would be fine with real food and not need brains.  I would let all the other zombies do all the work and sit on the sidelines.  Finally some quiet moaning to myself without all kinds of real people trying to blow my head off.

So there are your answers Sophia. Hope you enjoy.

My nominees: All of you.  Just kidding.  Only six of you.  I will nominate 6 to make them bitter and a lot of you I will not nominate to make you bitter too. That’s how it works around here.

Authentically Aurora – She has writes about relationships and how bitterness is a big part of them.  Though she has silver linings to some of the stories, which make me uncomfortable.

Alex over at Only Bad Chi.  She is the bitter female version of me.  She posts daily too, so I can always count on some daily bitterness from her.

Marissa at Glorious Results of a Misspent Youth. She is a poet who actually does know it. She posts on the reg about bitter things but in poetry form. She will also be pretty bitter that she got nominated.

Mindy over at Yellow Fever.  She used to post regularly about bitter dating experiences and insane co-workers.  I’m hoping by nominating her, she will post more regularly cause some of things people say to her can’t be missed.

Molly at Molly Ade in America. She is a bitter blogger, also who hasn’t posted in a while, but should because she is bitter funny. Though I think she writes for her school newspaper so you might be able to catch stuff on there.

Stories of my life – She has actually been brave enough to do stand up, and she also does a lot of pranks, which I can appreciate.

Questions to answer if you want to:

1. If you had only 24 hours to live, what would you do on your last day?

2. What is your favorite hiding place? Or what would you like to be your favorite hiding place?

3. If you had the brains and ability to create an invention what would the invention be and how would you use it?


Here are the rules for the Starlight Blogger Award(if you choose to follow them): 1. Thank the giver and link their Blog to your post. 2. Answer the 3 questions given to you*. 3. Please Pass the award on to 6 or more other Bloggers of your choice and let them know that they have been nominated by you. 4. Include the logo of the award in a post or on your Blog please never alter the logo(alter it, I dare you) and never change the rules.



There, I’ve accepted an award. Now never bother me again about this crap.


Bitter Awarding Ben



60 thoughts on “Starlight Blogger Award – Bitter Award Acceptance Speech

  1. Pingback: Starlight Blogger Award | Authentically Aurora

  2. Hahaha I think you took a tip or two from Sophia, now I feel guilty! Thank you for nominating me, I was quite surprised to see that you completed one of the many awards you received!! I will answer your questions later today, but first: coffee, cleaning and exercise. I was trying to go for alliteration, but it would have sent the wrong message for the last word 😬


  3. You would slay the stage if you did stand up comedy….No doubt! I’m thrilled you did this. Let’s us Cray Crays get to know you a little better 👍


  4. That’s actually the best zombie survival plan I’ve heard. Too many people imagine they’ll be the hero of the movie, when in reality we’d all be the guy in Jurassic Park who is eaten while on the toilet. All of us.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Your first two paragraphs fit me to a tee. I’m with you concerning all of these awards. And I agree with the folks above. You should do stand up. You are hilarious and I enjoy your blog. Happy Thanksgiving!


  6. Yes, I’m bitter that I’ve been nominated and I’m also bitter that I took the time to actually read one of these award blogs because I usually see them and say, oh god, another award blog. I’m definitely not reading that. As for your bitter questions, let me see if I can make some bitter poetry out of them or maybe I’ll just bitterly decline.


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