Bitter Anti-Social Media

Yes, the obsolescense of theVMA's is sad.

Yes, the obsolescence of the VMA’s is so sad.

There is all kinds of talk about social media and how fantastic it is. You know, how it helps us keep connected with people that we wanted to leave behind a long time ago, but somehow got lucky enough to reconnect with?  Or how Twitter can help us ignore thousands of people almost simultaneously.  How it show can show such a lack of character in 140 characters.  How it can make newspapers, the nightly newscast and MTV’s VMA’s obsolete by taking away all the thunder and ratings by getting all the false rumors first.

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Who wants to get disconnected?

And LinkedIn.  How could we live without that? I mean the millions and millions of worthless connections responsible for zero’s of jobs filled in this world.  I can’t laud it anymore if I didn’t try.  The biggest takeaway with social media? It allows all of us to be able to have not only all our dirty laundry, but also our clean and boring laundry out on the world wide web.  We are connected. Everywhere.  But what about the billions of people that don’t want to connect.  Don’t want to be out there. Don’t want any really terrible videos that they made on YouTube?

How about those of us that don’t want to network, that don’t want to work, that don’t want to find a date, that don’t want to tweet or share? That don’t want to go viral? How about those that not only want to avoid being seen online, but offline too? How about those that are actively seeking no one? Where is the anti-social network for those that don’t want to meet people to gather together to not talk?

That’s where my Anti-Social Network, Bitter Link comes in.

This is what Bitter Link, the world's first Anti-Social Network can do for you.

This is what Bitter Link, the world’s first Anti-Social Network can do for you.

Log in and you will be asked a bunch of meaningless questions about yourself, which will be used for absolutely nothing.  You will be able to post things about your meaningless existence which will never be posted anywhere and which will eventually erase things about you online.  For every crappy post you make, a former friend in real life will become a former friend in online life.  Every time you make a boring video, a Beiber loses his wings, (or video online), every tweet you make, a birthday post on Facebook takes away another fake “Happy Birthday” on your wall.

Look at it this way.  In a work meeting, there are probably 40,000 words.  How many of them are useful?   I’m sure in one meeting somewhere, someone has uttered the three words in succession, “Let’s eat Pizza!” by mistake so we know that, yes, a few words were useful.  But other than that and a few other exceptions, there are no useful words that can make up for a 5 sentence email that I can misinterpret.

That is how many words are useful on the internet.  Don’t join another social network so you can get to know another idiot that doesn’t care.  Don’t join another network that helps you find another person to talk to.  Join a network that allows you to kick more useless words from the internet chat room.  Join a network that help you achieve your ultimate nirvana of becoming more and more alone every day.  Join a network that allows you to cut ties with strangers, acquaintances, friends and finally family, as slowly or as fastly as you desire.   Join a network with empty chat rooms and comments sections to stories that weren’t written, retweet tweets that were never typed and pictures that were never posted.

Join a network of people that don’t want to join other people…with anything.

Oh and send me money to help you do it.

ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH

Bitter Anti-Social Networking Ben

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22 thoughts on “Bitter Anti-Social Media

  1. “And LinkedIn. How could we live without that? I mean the millions and millions of worthless connections responsible for zero’s of jobs filled in this world.” – BBB

    Bwahahahahah (I’ll get some residual chuckles a couple hours from now from that one!)

    Like

    • Yeah, they have done exactly that for me. I’m pretty sure no one has ever figured out how to use LinkedIn and if they have, they aren’t sharing, because I’ve never seen anyone say, “I got that job because of LinkedIn!”

      Like

  2. Sign me up. I’m in. Oddly enough I’m currently working on a social media related blog post myself right now. Well, at least I was until I stopped to come read blog posts. Should that make me bitter?…

    Like

    • Yeah, it only took me two days to come up with that line. Or a few seconds.

      I can’t wait for you to unhappily join the Anti-Social Network. You will be a great edition to the numberless amounts of people that won’t be wanting to talk to you. Sounds like a refreshing change for you considering how much unwanted attention you normally get.

      Liked by 1 person

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