There was a whole lot of things going on in the world this weekend. First, trending on twitter, people were anticipating my doctor’s appointment, #excusetoleavealittleearly. FYI, I didn’t die, so I guess things turned out alright. Then, there was that
lame game night that was planned for the evening. You will be bitter to know that I did terribly at Catch Phrase, the 300 piece puzzle went off with lots of hitches, and Chess was a complete failure, because first, they sunk my battleship and second, the timer when off before I could double jump the red king. Besides, I didn’t have Ron Weasely around to show me how to move my Bishop without getting myself killed. Finally, there was a really huge event where men and women got together with someone they really cared about. They got on their best clothing, ordered limos and stayed up late, talked about their love…of comedy. They talked and laughed and reminisced about the anniversary…the 40th anniversary of Saturday Night Live.
As you might know I am 41 years old, which means I have watched every single episode of every season of Saturday Night Live and that makes me more qualified to judge how bitter I am that I didn’t get a 3 1/2 hour special for my 40th anniversary of living. Like Saturday Night Live, I kept people up late at night with my annoying sense of humor and just like Saturday Night Live, I also have a cheesy background. Here are three other ways Saturday Night Live made me bitter.
Saturday – Saturday is supposed to a sacred day where I lay around avoiding work, not thinking even more than regular and not having to concentrate on anything new. This was a tradition going all the way back to when I was born. At the age of 1, when I was “expected” to start walking or at least crawling, I was slacking on the couch, watching repeats of Tom And Jerry, and I fell asleep. Like 12 hours later, and I shot up from my nap, as I sensed that something new was invading the television airwaves. I was angry, bitter and appalled that someone dare do something new on a Saturday.
Night – Batman claims to be the Dark Knight. Is it because he fights criminals at night because they have jobs during the day and don’t really like to rob banks and terrorize people during the day? Or is it because his dark costume would look kind of silly during the day? Or is it because his name wouldn’t really be very intimidating if it was the Dark Day? Or the Bright Knight? Regardless, I don’t think he can really claim to be the Dark Knight unless he’s been on Saturday Knight Live. Conversely, Saturday Knight Live can’t claim to be the king of late Knight unless they’ve had Batman on. Until then, I will be the King of Late Nights. Just too lazy to go to bed.
Live – Something bothers me about this show. For 4-0 years, yes that is 4-0 years, they’ve pronounced the word wrong. For 4-0 years, not one actor, actress, host, comedian, musical guest, writer, camera operator, or show runner could ever say the word right. It is pronounced live like “Don’t die dude, you need to live!!!!” It’s pretty pathetic that an idiot like myself can somehow pronounce it right when thousands of professionals that get paid thousands of dollars to write and say funny things, yet somehow couldn’t figure out how to say this simplest of words right. It’s clear I need to be the showrunner for this fact alone. And also for 4-0 years, they kept forgetting the say live at the end of the opening. It should be, “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Day Night…Live!”
And by the way, Saturday Night Live has been doing things for 40 years on Saturdays. Now all of a sudden they do their 40th Birthday on Sunday? That’s like me having my birthday on April 9th every year and then all of a sudden when I turn 40 to change it to April 10th. Doesn’t make any sense, but then when did that show ever make any sense?
Bitter Night Live Ben