Help me Become Number 2

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Help me get second place!

I’ve got great ambitions for bitterness. As an emotion, it has been underrated for quite some time.  By quite some time, I mean forever.  On the emotional rollercoaster, bitterness is waiting in a huge line to get on the coaster, while happiness, anger and jealousy are having fun taking the hairpin curves, loop de loops and daring dip dives.  No wonder bitterness is so bitter.

The key to bitterness is having really high expectations and not meeting them or having low expectations and not even meeting those.  For instance, I expect to win the lottery every day, regardless if I ever buy a ticket or not.  I expect to become an action hero, whether I work out at all and eat pizza a lot or not. I expect to get second place in every contest whether I enter into it or not. I’ve made a legacy of finishing in second place or worse.  It’s what I do.  So I’ve decided to enter the annual bloggy awards against billions of other blogs and I need your help.  What I need your help with is nominating or voting for me with the following link.

This will give you a chance to expand my bitterness worldwide.  It will give you a chance to part of something smaller.  You can help me reach the heights of second place in the humor blog category.  So do this complicated thing of voting for two really funny blogs, then you can throw my blog in there, just as a joke to the category (see, then you become humorous).  Then for even a bigger practical joke, you can slide me into the last category of Blog of the Year.  Can you imagine all the faces of the award giver outers if they ever had to announce that this blog got second place in Blog of the Year? Can you imagine the bitter looks on their faces?  So do it for bitterness, who has waited in line for way to long to get on the emotional rollercoaster.  But mostly, do it so I can imagine the bitter look on my face when I lose yet again, despite the fact that I didn’t deserve.

Become part of my campaign to become number 2!  Because two is such a lonely number, especially around Valentine’s Day right?

No thank you for your support.

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

 

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46 thoughts on “Help me Become Number 2

  1. Pingback: Bitter Blogger of the Year | Ben's Bitter Blog

    • Yes, my proper couch sitting and pizza eating techniques are pillars of the blog community. I don’t know how they could stay healthy without my blog. And yes, I’m glad someone realized I said number two. I figured most people would, but you’re the only smart one that said anything.

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  2. you have (under)inspired me to vote for you but not really. Just think about doing it and then forget to. But I am rooting for you! Dammit. My optimism kicked in and I actually voted for you. Don’t disappoint me. Or do. It’s a win/win

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  3. You have been nominated, but I also had to nominate myself even though I’m bitter because I’ll be the only one nominating me which I guess is extremely pathetic in its own way. – I hope you finish #2 in all the categories that I nominated you for. May you be bitterly impressed with the outcome.

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  4. I really wanted to make you bitter and not vote but I figured what would be the fun of that? So I actually voted and it was a bitter and painful experience being that I almost nominated you for best New Zealand and Australian blog. Then I couldn’t finish the process until I entered two other bloggers who were a lot more worthy than you, and also had to enter my name and email which I think makes me eligible for consideration on voting on the whole shebang, which is something I really don’t want to do!! Oy!! I need to lay down!! Someone get me a Xanax!

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