Do you know what this means?
BREAKING NEWS! This is your news anchor Captain Obvious! In what is unprecedented news, I’ve figured something out. We’ve done a calendar change and the year is now 2015. Do you know what that means? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? It means, Marty McFly and Doc Brown are going to be visiting Hill Valley later this year. That means we (meaning all of you) have a lot of work to do. We need to get a sound stage ready that looks just like a small California town so when they show up, they think Hill Valley looks all futury. 3D images of sharks almost eating you. Someone needs to make sure the Cubs don’t win the World Series. Nike needs to make sure they have a prototypical self tying shoe ready. Sports Illustrated needs to get on making a Sports Almanac that is from 1950-2000 with all the correct scores. We need need Industrial Lights & Magic working on special effects for the flying car. The future is almost here…for Marty and company. As for me, you have some things to work on for me. Here they are Friday Gifture style.
In my future, I need…
…mixers that get caught in people’s hair easier.
In my future….
…I need dogs that are as lazy as me.
In my future…
..tables that automatically embarrass people at the right moments.
In my future…
…I need telescopes that can see the future.
In my future…
….I need chill people like this.
In my future…
…I need cats to be chill too.
In my future…
….I’m gonna need more tape.
In the future….
…I’m gonna need a Jaws holograms, just like in Back to the Future.
In my future…
…trees need to step up and cause others pain.
In my future…
…tennis needs to be played with Light Sabres.
In my future…
…people need to be pushier.
In my future…
…I need to be an old guy, pushing around the young punks.
Now that we have the future all sorted out, it’s time for me to dwell on the fact that none of these things will happen. Even in Hill Valley.
The Real Future…
ARRRRGGGHHH
Bitter Futuristic Ben