Imagine all the bitter people.
Now that Halloween is over, winter is chilling people to the bone, Christmas decorations are going up way too early, and the malls are being filled bitter people ready to fight for super cheap crap that nobody wants for a gift, I’m sensing a growing amount of bitter people of the world. It occurs to me that us bitter people need a gathering place of our own. A place where we can feel comfortable complaining and whining and being among people just like us, that we want to ignore and not spend time with, together. Though this probably isn’t a gathering place that we can do all year, but when it happens it will be glorious bitterness.
Come join me at the Bitterest Convention of the Year, or as the kids who didn’t get all the presents they wanted at Christmas, will soon disaffectionately start calling it, BitterCon. Bittercon will take place in Downtown Seattle. Not in a building though, but in traffic. Sure there will be lots of people honking at us, and Con goers will have to dodge traffic, and there will be general downtown mayhem. But Seattle is used to riots of every kind, so have a BitterCon there will be just another “protest” downtown. Besides, the news will capture the tremendous nightmare of event which will bring more publicity to BitterCon. Which is exactly what we don’t want and do want at the same time.
For only $1013.21 plus tax for a three day pass, along with parking being only $300 a day(we discourage car pooling or mass transit), you will have a RIOT literally. Some of the activities will include:
Meet famous bitter people like Syndrome.
Famous bitter people, like Grumpy Cat, Tommy Lee Jones, Ed the guy that you see every day in traffic, and Kat the crazy cat lady that stands in the espresso line complaining about how cold it is everyday while wearing sandals.
Cosplay as your favorite bitter characters from cinema, television and your favorite blogitarians. The less creative may just wear a couch and remote and dress as me or others may dress as Grumpy Cat, but I’m sure there will be some creative people that will dress like Syndrome, Dr. Evil, Gru or other outdated bitter villains.
Cosplay as your favorite bitter characters.
Copies of Bitter Ben’s Book’s for Bitter Beginner’s, which you read about on Tuesday, along with other blog posts and some really bitter school papers I wrote in 7th grade will be available for autographing.
There will be special panels on how to take you bitterness to a whole new level, rooms available to play nerdy, bitter role playing card games you invented with two of your friends, and an exhibition hall.
$100,000 will buy exhibitors or merchants a small booth space, for companies like Nintendo, Sega, Microsoft, or Sony so they can show off their latest bitter video games and stores may sell their overpriced and completely common items on the exhibitor floor.
Gruel is available in many inconvenient areas throughout the tri-state area.
Come join us for the least amount of effort given to a convention ever! Come not hang out with any of your friends! Come join a slew of really boring people that don’t want to talk to you! It will be the greatest amount of people gathered in one place that don’t want to have anything to do with each other!
See you at BitterCon 2014!
ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Con Ben