Coming up Short Friday Giftures

Just over here letting you down as always.

Just over here letting you down as always(Me, not Friday).

Though I am tall(er than most ants), this week was short, because I took Monday and Tuesday off not only from work but also from blogging.  The thing about short weeks is that they make the days you actually work last even longer.  Every hour is so magnified that each second lasts an hour, every hour lasts a day and every day lasts a week.  It’s a bittescientific fact.  Hypothesize all you want, what I say to you here is an indesputable bittefact.  Just like this week being short, your expectations of me will always come up short.  I know people expect a lot out of me(Why…I will never know), but let’s be honest, I am going to fail your every expectation in every way.  Most posts will be too infrequent, too short, to void of any meaning, lacking in bitterness, sarcasm, or bite, and that is just my blogging.  Just wait until you see how I can fail you in important ways.  I will always be late, my work will lack detail, mi spulling whell bee baad, and nothing will make any sense.  Also coming up short are these exemplary citizens:

 

It couldn’t be…there is no way those could be…

It

…nope. Just an Adam Sandler look alike acting like a dinosaur.

 

 Hey Beyonce, if Jay Z ever dumps you…

dslfkj

…Pakalu is always here for you as a soft landing pad. 

This is it…the winning bunt for the World Series Championship…

....I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen.  There has been an accident on the field.  World Series is cancelled.

….I’m sorry ladies and gentlemen. There has been an accident on the field. World Series is cancelled.

 

And off to your left you will see some majestic dolphins….

sdfdf

…sorry that is Jeff, our resident prankster. 

 

Watch as our powerful kicker takes down this punt returner…

 

sdfdf

…oops, I mean watch as our powerful punt returner, kicks this kicker…

 

Watch as Super Mario Cat reaches for the last coin…

sdfdf

…and falls into the hot lava.

 

 

Hey Margaret, have a seat on this really comfy chair…

slkfjdsf

…where you can enjoy a nice heart attack.   

 

Hey dude, put on this blindfold and throw something backwards…

sdfds

…while I go call the jerk store and try to become their best seller.

 

Hey babe, I love you so much and I really wanna ask you something….

sdfd

…Do I bug you?

 

If you really want to get a great view, you gotta get in the pit area…

ohshoot

…right HEAERAERERR!

 

Alright, let’s do some really cruel prank…

sdfdf

…wait, Star Wars is on? YEAHAHAH!

 

Alright everyone.  Let’s quit being so mean…

highfive-6

…let’s just shake hands…aaahh, Jerk!

 

 

I know that you have found this entertaining and will go into the weekend with bitterness on your minds.  No? Gaaaaa!  I’ve fallen short of expectations once again!  That’s it! I’m gonna just go over here and pretend like this didn’t happen.  Bye!  Stop looking at me.  Leave me alone! Just go!  Away with you!  Be gone!

 

ARRRGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Short Expectations Ben

 

Advertisements

24 thoughts on “Coming up Short Friday Giftures

  1. Oh dear.. you have me laughing out loud and the Pastors’ gonna find out I’m not working. Oh well, its FRIDAY and thanks for the laughs.. I especially love the blindfolded shovel trick. I bet that one wasn’t on Jackass.

    Like

Your Bitter Comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s