Bitter Advice Column

It will probably be cancelled before it ever starts.

It will probably be cancelled before it ever starts.

Hello bitter people who occasionally read my blog.  I have a question for you.  Yeah you.  You know.  The one that reads this because you are bored at work and you have no access to anything on the internet but WordPress…. Yeah you.  One commenter of my blog suggested that I am really good at giving bad and bitter advice.  So I was just wondering if any of you would be interested in me doing a post occasionally about me answering your questions(no matter how bad or innane) and giving bitter advice.  The downside is that your name would appear on my blog and someone might recognize you and want to follow your blog because they felt bad that you appeared here.  The upside is that there is no upside.  You know how it goes here.  If you feel like this is something that you want on here, go ahead and leave a question.  If I get desperate enough, I will just make up stuff and put your names on there anyways.  If you don’t have any questions, ignore it and I will come after you.  I will find all of you. Everyone one of you that don’t respond.  It will take a while for me to do, but I will get my revenge on you, and it will be the most bitter revenge ever.  They don’t call me Revengerman for nothing.  So, who’s first? Got any questions?

ARRRGGGGHHH

Bitter Advisor Ben

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101 thoughts on “Bitter Advice Column

  1. Does the Spearmint lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?
    How could you believe me when i said I loved you when you know I’ve been a liar all my life?
    Where have all the flowers gone?
    Et tu, Brute?
    Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
    Who hath not in all his quiver’s choice an arrow for the heart like a sweet voice?
    Quo usque tandem abutere, Catalina, patientia nostra?
    Do androids dream of electric sheep?
    How can I get these red spots off my toga?

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    • Yes.
      You look in a mirror.
      To the Flower Garden.
      No Mas Para Ti.
      Cause the parkway is jammed and the jamway is parked.
      I don’t know why the sweet voice has a quiver.
      Eres tu?
      No they don’t have electric sheep.
      All temperature Cheer.

      Like

  2. Pingback: In case you missed it…Because you were busy getting trapped in a toy store | Ben's Bitter Blog

  3. Do you secretly want to be Liam Neeson? You seem to imply … [I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you’re looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.]

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  4. My Dear Ben, Thanks for giving this nice opportunity to get Real Answers! You know, in the good old days, when the ticket machine would not deliver, We used to kick them. Now, my computer is very slow. Do You think Dropping it down from a height of some two metres would improve its speed? Can’t think of kicking it. Yours truly and all that.

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  5. I think I could do with some bitter advice coming from you. The thing is, my internet has become incredibly slow from the past two days. The speed is like that of a dial – up connection (maybe even slower) and this is making me very angry as the internet is a huge part of my life. I tried venting my anger out on the customer service people of the internet company but they do not respond to me well. Those people may have started cracking jokes about me. What should I do with all of this anger and bitterness inside me?

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  6. I’m annoyed. Your posts used to be easy to find on my Reader page. But now I scroll and scroll and nothing. I actually had to go to Google and type Ben’s Bitter Blog to get here and that’s just not right. So here’s my question. Why doesn’t WordPress have an easy to use search feature so I can find your blog? This is important because without your blog my Pollyanna nature gets the best of me and I start looking like a gray-haired Hayley Mills on a bad hair day. Help me please!

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  7. I would like nothing more than to see a bitter advice column done by you – it would make me happy that you were unhappy that people were actually asking questions and listening to you, you!, about how to run their lives. Go for it.

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  8. So I am about toys and positive attitude but tonight I learned I can be bitter too. I finally had a night where I didn’t want to post,or think, or laugh about my own posts. I just wanted to go to the reader and be entertained, learn from others and maybe pick up a fun fact or short story. But no! This has to be the first post I see – and you’re asking me to write something for you. REALLY? Do I sound bitter? Yes, I suppose that’s the down side. The up side is that any exposure is good exposure. Now, Bitter Ben, what advice to you have for people that comment on your blog and its not at all what you intended, or expected, for feedback?

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  9. I will definitely participate in this. Might take me a while to think of some advice-type question to ask, but I’ll come up with something and probably text it to you. It might be a few days.
    Husband would probably come up with something like this faster than I would.

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    • I will go ahead and try to bitterly answer this one in the Advice column. And finder’s fee? Why would you ever think I had some money from garage sale? Those people don’t pay for everything.

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  10. This is a bitterly brilliant idea, Ben! I am pleased to assign you my official “Agony Uncle,” even though I’m older than you. So here’s my burning issue: I have chickens and I post pictures of them from time to time (read: constantly) on my blog. Do you think I need to be concerned about protecting their identities? Should I start changing names to protect the innocent? I would really hate if photos of my hens were to wind up as chicken porn. Please advise.

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  11. I love this idea and I swear to you I was posting tomorrow some made-up advice to fabricated questions about aging…. “Dear Miss Menopause” style. Okay so hear goes…. Dear Bitter Ben — please tell me how to keep from being labeled a Debbie Downer or a pessimist when I am really just a Realist. Thank you!

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  12. Dear Ben,
    When I would listen to Michael Jackson’s song, Change the world, while in elementary school, I always thought he really would change the world. He didn’t. Now I am wondering what music you listened to while growing up? Maybe that is why you are so bitter? 😉 I’m sure its because New Kids on the Block broke up, but I’ll let you say it out loud for yourself.

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  13. Off the top of my head, I know that summer means reruns. But lately, it seems like it’s double runaround sue reruns, meaning the same darn episode of Ninja Warriors is on three times a week. Or Last Comic Standing. So I get my hopes up that it’s a new episode and then son of a gun, if it’s not the same episode they showed on Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday morning. Is there really that much air space available? Why can’t they just show old Love Boats? How should I handle my emotional state after the defeat of realizing I’ve already seen it?

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  14. Dear Ben (if that’s your REAL name),

    I have this thing on my leg. I feel very alone with this, even though you’re never really alone when you have a thing on your leg. What should I do?

    Yours in confusion,
    Karen

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  15. I think it would be awesome. In fact, if you need practice, I put out a Dear Bacon column every Tuesday. Maybe you should fill in for me one week? Thoughts? XOXO – Bacon

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  16. How do I get my kids to stop telling me they’re “bored” this summer?
    What should I do when I’m too lazy to get up off the couch and the remote is too far away?
    How do I get people to leave me alone so I can watch my Golden Girls reruns in peace?

    Like

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