So, I did a post last week about leaving this realm and going to another because doing stuff in this realm is hard and I’m laaazy. This is the continuation of that post, which bored and astounded no one. If you want something to put you to sleep, read the first part right here. If you want excitement and adventure, stop reading this post 63 words ago.
So, here I am still in this stupid line. They kicked me into the villain line, which was clearly a mistake. Don’t they know who I am on the earth? I’m at least in the top 7 billion for most important and wealthiest people on earth. They need to learn a little respect.
ME: Excuse me person in front of me. Why is it taking so long for me to get entrance in the video game realm? I’m getting really tired of standing. How many are in front of you?
Person in front of me: If you would look right above you, you would see the number that says 4,873,904. That is the number of people of ahead of you. Wow, are you really that blind?
ME: Well, yeah I’m blind, they only gave me one good eye, see? And this stupid hat that I’m wearing? I didn’t choose this. And where is my sword and valiant steed? How am I supposed slay the good guys when I don’t have all my equipment?
PIFOM: I think you are in the wrong line. This is main villain line. I think you need to be over there.
ME: Yeah, definitely that one over there. It is so much shorter.
I wander over to the short line. Yeah, this line is so much shorter. Like all the people are really short. In fact, it appears that I’m the only one here from earth and the only one over 1 foot tall. A turtle is right in front of me.
ME: Oh hey there, really small turtle with big face and red shell. You look so familiar. Where have I seen you before?
Turtle with big face and red shell: I’m from Super Mario Bros.
ME: Oh yeah, I remember you. You’re the one that Mario stomps all over and then your shell knocks over all your other buddies. Classic. You’re so useless in that game.
TWBFARS: Excuse me? I’m important in that game. I almost killed Mario once.
ME: Wow, really you never killed Mario, not even once? He had like 450 lives whittled down to one and you never even killed him once? I heard there was another red turtle that killed him just by touching him like 565 times. You must be really bad at your job.
TWBFARS: Dude, really? At least I made a Mario game. What game have you ever been in?
ME: Oh, I’m still waiting to get into my first. I imagine I’m gonna be an awesome villain.
TWBFARS: You haven’t been in one game yet?
I get bored of listening to TWBRARS and lay down, resting my head on his red shell. All of sudden his head pops inside his shell. I pull my head up, the rest it again and all of a sudden his shell takes off. It starts knocking out everyone else in line. It bounces back toward me and I jump over it and it goes into the bottomless pit right behind me, that I just notice for the first time.
ME: Wow, that line cleared fast.
Registration guy: WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?
ME: I guess people got tired of waiting in line, huh? So what assignment do I get? Master Villain? Charming Hero?
RG: This is the line for minnions.
ME: Ooh so, one of the mini boss levels? Sweet. So, do I get a cool power and just one glowing weak spot? Am I the next to last boss before the main boss?
RG: Nope. Says right here you are generic square pebble in Atari Ms. Pac-Man. Level 64. Upper right maze.
ME: I’m outraged! Can you see the rage on my face?
RG: Not really. Your face doesn’t have an emotion chip. Pick up your costume at the place over there marked COSTUMES.
ME: Oh is it that one right there with the sign that says COSTUMES? I was having a really hard time figuring it out. Thanks. I’m not bitter at all.
RG(to himself, under his breath): I guess they didn’t get rid of his sarcasm chip.
Finally, I’m here. In the video game realm.
Will there be a part three? Who knows? Not even me. This may either be the worst blog post idea ever or…yeah it’s the worst.
Bitter Realm Ben