Bitter Ben Gardner Newsletter Volume 1

Guess which one is named Brain?

Guess which one is named Brain?

Who here remembers Pinky and the Brain? No need to raise your hands, I can see you in the back. For those of you who were too young and don’t, it was a WB cartoon about two lab mice, one named Pinky and one named Brain.  One was a complete idiot like me and would make stupid sounds and comments, and the other was the brilliant (yet detail and luck challenged) mastermind behind their plans to take over the world.  My best friend from college and I (he being the brilliant one and me being the bitter one that just dreamed of making the world a bitter place without having to work for it) took the simple premise of taking over the world and made it our motto.  After college though, he abandoned and moved to California to prospect for gold or something, but we would still talk about taking over the world, him in California, me in Utah.  In my last post, I talked about a girl who doubted our master plans (I won’t name any names Monica), so I created with some primitive Microsoft Publisher software the first ever Ben Gardner’s Newsletter, that continued to be the number 1 source of Ben Gardner(and Aaron) Taking Over The World related news.

Also in my last post, I mentioned that I found most of the old copies, so until further notice, I will be posting the newsletters once a week to show the origin story of this very Bitter Blog.  While not completely the same, there are similarities such as bad grammar, lack of research, misquotes and lack of any writing skill, if you dig deep you will see a similar bitter mind at work in these newsletters as they get progressively more narcissistic and delusional just as this blog has.

A few notes: I have taken almost no caution in protecting the innocent names of the people I wrote about, so if there is a slip up, I don’t care.  The innocent shouldn’t have messed with me, back then or now.  Second, remember this was written in the late 90’s, so someone that may have been hot to me (uhhh Denise Richards?), popular or of significance back then, may not be now.  Get over it.  I know I already have.  Feel free to tell me how bad my grammar and spelling are too, so I can completely ignore it,  just like I do if you tell me now.  So with really long ado, I present the First Ben Gardner Newsletter.

 

Soon to be worth millions in the Bitter Art Restoration Foundation (B.A.R.F. for short)

Soon to be worth millions in the Bitter Art Restoration Foundation (B.A.R.F. for short).

 

 

Now that you have had enough of reading my really bad writing, I hope you will go take a break and cleanse your brain pallete by reading something really good in comparison, like Twilight or something. And then, if you are really masochistic you can come back next week sometime and read the continuing saga of the Ben Gardner Newsletter.

ARRRRRGGGGHHHH

Bitter Newsunworthy Ben

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21 thoughts on “Bitter Ben Gardner Newsletter Volume 1

  1. Pingback: In In case you missed it…because you were busy telling your mom sorry for being such a bitter brat | Ben's Bitter Blog

  2. I applaud your consistency of terrible output, replete with awful grammar and spelling in each and every post since 1998.

    Ah, yes, I remember. This probably won’t work, but: youtube={http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_mPrhwpZ-8}

    Like

  3. You have the worst grammar ever, said nobody ever.
    I remember pinky and the brain, it was a love hate relationship. I hated Brain but I also was jealous of his intelligence. Pinky was so stupid but he was cute. What an emotion-invoking show.

    Like

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