In case you missed it…because you were busy looking at old letters

Cause you were looking at old letters.

Cause you were looking at old letters.

There is nothing like looking back at old letters, pictures and newsletters and realizing how bad your hair looked, how terrible your grammar was, and how amazingly in love you were with someone that didn’t even know who you were.  We were doing a little spring cleaning yesterday and I was cleaning out an old box of the aforementioned items, when I came upon the precursor of this very blog.  Back in the early days of the internet, everyone was trying to come up with the next big idea.  At that time, it was all about getting a popular .com and whether you had an idea, product, or service it didn’t matter.  One day, when I was telling my short lived girlfriend that I was going to take over the world, for some reason she didn’t believe me.  So in order to prove it to her, I made up a newsletter on Microsoft Publisher called creatively enough, Ben Gardner Newsletter.  (Much like the creative title of this blog.)  I plan on copying maybe the last copies on earth of these ancient artifacts and putting them on this blog.  You will truly see how bad my grammar and bitter sense of humor has not gotten better at all.  Regardless, lets take a look back at some really terrible blog posts from this last week.

Some rapper guy had a song called “Mo Money, Mo Problems”.  I’m more of a “Bitter Days, Bitter Problems” guy.  In this post, I talked about the fact that no matter how many problems you have and no matter how many you solve, problems are the law of energy.  They are never really created or destroyed, but just transferred or delayed.  And one leads to another.  Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the problem water…the Jaws of problems come back.

Just like an old photo of an ex can bring back bitter feelings, so does looking back at Bitter Falling Short Friday Giftures.  It is a nice reminder of how we constantly fall short of goals we set.  29 teams in the NBA are losers of the championship, lots of people this year will be painfully short of raises that we totally earned, and the weather is painfully too cold, too warm or too wet on any given second of the day.  Even that post itself was painfully short one gif(11 instead of the expected 12) that it normally had.

Speaking of coming up painfully short, the Bitter Twitter has not delivered.  It continues to not impress this week.

At least there was a chance that comments were better this week:

On Bitter Problems:

“Are you one of the people who thought Jiffy Pop was definitely not Jiffy? I like popcorn but I think our society cannot seem to invent a good way to prepare it. You do know about all those chemicals in the microwave popcorn, right? And you are properly bitter about it? That being said….you must be fun in a movie theater where you can get free refills on the large tubs (they do that in Seattle right??) thus solving your Hunger and your Butter problems in one fell swoop, err Pop!

Nice post!” – Little Miss Menopause

“I have this problem where I’m at work and I just don’t care enough to do anything productive…. I haven’t found a solution yet so your theory holds strong.

Also, kudos on the gifs/memes in this post. Just spectacular.” adixon210

“I woke up reasonably happy. Now I have a headache. Thank you Bitter Ben. Lucy” – Lucy

On Bitter Falling Short Friday Giftures:

“Ya..it’s like dropping out in the 10th grade. You might as well drop out in the 4th.” – Mr. Johnson

“Ahhh the Ravens/Broncos fail! haha the only good thing to happen to my Ravens in that whole game!” – Courtney Fiorini

“Gosh…I remember that Bronco’s premature celebration all to well – Maybe next week your Friday Gif’s could grace us with a “Karma” theme & the first one could be the Raven’s picking up that ball and running it back 80 yards for a touchdown.
Additionally, I believe Milo…riding on the train wheel – is a Viking’s fan. Look at his face.” – Properly Ridiculous

And now, your favorite part, because it doesn’t have anything to do with my writing, you don’t have to read anything, and who really reads this blog anyways…So here are the thousand plus words that bonus Gifs are worth:

 

The only type of biker I like on the road:

Guy riding an invisible bike.

Guy riding an invisible bike.

 

Who needs gel when you have a vacuum…

 

Kid with sucky haircut.

…to give your kid a sucky haircut.

 

Back to your regularly scheduled picture looking and productive working.

ARRRRGGGHHHH

Bitter Old Letter Ben

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14 thoughts on “In case you missed it…because you were busy looking at old letters

  1. Pingback: Bitter Ben Gardner Newsletter Volume 1 | Ben's Bitter Blog

  2. I should know better than to read your stuff first thing Monday morning. My coffee turned black and bitter. Coincidence?

    Like

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