Pillow: My Bitter Review

What up pillow

If you don’t step up and make me sleep, I’m going to control, alt, delete you Pillow!

As a life long Lover of Laziness (or LOL) and Layer on Leather (also LOL) I have a few essentials when it comes to being a human slug.  Of course, the couch is pretty essential, but honestly most couches will do.  Also, when it comes to covers, sure a nice blanket helps, but not year round.  In fact, when it is 80 degrees out and air conditioning isn’t available, not really necessary at all. When it comes to the optimal 4 hours nap/televison avoiding, hybrid of sleep/awakiness, the pillow is the most essential part.  So how, does Ben’s Bitter Pillow stack up?

Support: My pillow is not so supportive of my dreams (get it?).  I am trying to write a novel and I haven’t heard one word of encouragement from my pillow about how great of decision this would be.  Pillow also didn’t like where I went to college, what I wore to work the other day, or how much I spent on the pillow cases.

My dreams should not have to work so hard.  Get it going pillows.

My dreams should not have to work so hard. Get it going pillows.

Firm: My pillow has barely even made it into college and has only completed a few classes.  It has a long way to go before not only getting a degree, getting into law school, and passing the bar.  So let’s just say this pillow isn’t joining a firm any time soon.  Which is fine, because I like a pillow that isn’t so firm anyways.

Durability: I dropped this pillow on the ground from a really high height.  4 feet.  It didn’t break.  Somehow, with all this pillow did wrong, it amazingly passed this test.

Temperature: Well, it was really hot outside.

This pillow needs to work out a little.  A few sit ups, maybe some squats...

This pillow needs to bulk up a little. A few sit ups, maybe some squats…

Shape: This pillow needs to work out a little.  It seems like all it is does is lay around all the time.  If it could bulk up a little, then I could lay around all the time.

Entertainment options: None.  No handheld video games, no remote control, 3D television included, no smartphone or tablet.  Not even a man cave? This pillow needs to step up the entertainment options.

Where are the entertainment options, pillow?  Not even a 3DTV?

Where are the entertainment options, Pillow? Not even a 3DTV?

Most people sleep on a pillow for 8 hours a day max and then they stop thinking about it.  I, on the other hand, use a pillow 23/7 and expect so much more.   A pillow I used needs to be a versital, all-encompassing comfort blanket for my lazy head.  So, how does Pillow rate on my Bitter Scale?  3.14 rhubarbs out of 14.14.  If you really step it up, Pillow, maybe next time you can get a 4.

Arrrghhhhhh

Bitter “Those aren’t Pillows!” Ben

 

Don’t forget to listen to me bitter on Earl Merkel’s podcast.  You can hear me instead of reading me.  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/authorsglobalradionetwork

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32 thoughts on “Pillow: My Bitter Review

  1. Pingback: Page not found | Ben's Bitter Blog

  2. I dropped my pillow from a height of 4 feet. It broke. It’s in physical therapy at the moment, which consists of me fluffing it until it sweats.

    Like

  3. My pillows are the worst. They provide no support, they are constantly flinging themselves onto the floor and they are so soft my head is basically on the mattress. I feel your pillow bitterness with a passion.

    Like

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