Bitter Pictures of the Early Part of the Week (or Monday as I like to call it)

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I am actually lazy and I don’t care.  I believe the word for that is bitter.

My bitterness goes to places most people don’t even think about.  But, people can relate to me because I am also bitter about common things that everyone is bitter about too.  For instance, I am the most bitter about the day we all call Tuesday, but I am also bitter about Mondays as well, like most other people.  I just dig deeper than most to find just how bitter I am about every day of the week.

I don't think so.

Of course not.  Only eating less, exersizing and complaining a lot about things can prevent obesity.  What kind of scientist came up with this theory?

If can’t really help you with the sceince of obesity or excersize because I am not a scientist, but I can help you in the ways of laziness.  First step, find a very comfortable couch or recliner.  Second, turn off all cellular and phone devices.  Third find all six remote controls.  Fourth, turn off the part of your brain that responds to things(other people, doorbell rings, etc.) Fifth, get horizontal.  Sixth, turn on television to any non kid show related channel.  Seventh, zone out.  Either become such a zombie to what is being watched on the television that your eyes are open but nothing is registering or so zoned that your eyes close.  Just make sure that when they are closed you aren’t dreaming about anything that makes you exert too much energy.

sometimes_you_win_sometimes_you_lose_33_photos11

As witty as you are, you don’t want to acknowledge existence.

My bitter advice on social networks is save you witty remarks for yourself.  Most people don’t have a sarcasm detector, and even if they do, they are witty enough to keep up with your wittiness.  There are several scenerios that happen when you put a witty remark on someone “status”.  One, they remark back with a “What are you talking about?” because they don’t understand sarcasm (on social networks this about 51% of people).  Then there is the 5% that understand your wit, but not witty enough to retort back to you.  You will recognize these people as ones that say, “LOL!” or “You are so funny!”, or the ones the just hit the thumb up button, but won’t reply back to the wit and engage in what the witty call “banter”.  Then there are the rest of the people (if my math is correct that is 44%.  There is no miscellanous because I say so.)  These people do what we can’t do when in real life social situations.  They are the ones that “ignore” our responses.  They are the ones that I wish I could be in real life, or the one I would be if I ever posted statuses that people responded to.

And with that, I bid you a bitter day, because I don’t want to right anything anymore.  My fingers are too tired and need a recliner.

Arrrghhhh

Bitter Monday blahhhs  Ben

 

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100 thoughts on “Bitter Pictures of the Early Part of the Week (or Monday as I like to call it)

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  9. This is all just SO funny. Where’s the little thumbs up?! Bitter about its lack. If you had that, I could have just not commented at all.

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    • I forget a lot of things. I always have hundreds of ideas and they get wittled down to stuff that I actually remember. Thanks goodness I have such readers that point out all my mistakes! By the way, sorry that your in-laws don’t have a sarcasm detector!

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        • I’m fine with you pointing out mistakes. Gives me a chance to refine my bitterness to a sharp, annoying point. Sarcasm is great, especially when other people actually understand it. I definitely understand your bitterness.

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    • Which I do. I can relate to their bitterness, but haven’t yet come up with a scheme to steal from my office while having someone else accidently burn it down. Maybe I need to get hypmotized.

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    • You gotta have your input remote, your volume, your Bluray player, your VCR, your DVD, your channel changer, and your video game controller. It’s a hard job, but someone has to be the keeper of those.

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  10. I tried to do the tv thing yesterday and watch a ‘Dexter’ marathon and the episodes weren’t in order. As I lay there confused and bitter (wait..what just happened. Who IS that? What?! isn’t that person dead? ” ) I became incReasingly bitter as I realized I already saw the ending before I knew it. Bitter? Oh yes…left to watch Americas Got Talent…yes. Bitter.

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    • I would feel pretty bitter if I was watching something out of order too. A show like Dexter anyways. If it was something like The office you can pretty much watch out of order and ruin much.

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  11. You say you don’t want to “right” anymore ’cause your fingers are too tired. They DESERVE a rest (from “righting” the greatest wrong in this world: disrespect for our “right” to be bitter). If you intended that “right” to be “write,” in the words of Mark Twain “I don’t give a damn for a man who can only spell a word one way.” (and if you were just being witty: HOORAY FOR ME, I GOT IT!!!)

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  12. Social media is a bitter, bitter place of bravado and resume’s! I wish some one would put witty stuff out there that I could respond to–please someone! A simple observation is so much more fun than what you made for dinner! Jeez…I am more bitter than I thought!

    Like

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