My bitterness goes to places most people don’t even think about. But, people can relate to me because I am also bitter about common things that everyone is bitter about too. For instance, I am the most bitter about the day we all call Tuesday, but I am also bitter about Mondays as well, like most other people. I just dig deeper than most to find just how bitter I am about every day of the week.
If can’t really help you with the sceince of obesity or excersize because I am not a scientist, but I can help you in the ways of laziness. First step, find a very comfortable couch or recliner. Second, turn off all cellular and phone devices. Third find all six remote controls. Fourth, turn off the part of your brain that responds to things(other people, doorbell rings, etc.) Fifth, get horizontal. Sixth, turn on television to any non kid show related channel. Seventh, zone out. Either become such a zombie to what is being watched on the television that your eyes are open but nothing is registering or so zoned that your eyes close. Just make sure that when they are closed you aren’t dreaming about anything that makes you exert too much energy.
My bitter advice on social networks is save you witty remarks for yourself. Most people don’t have a sarcasm detector, and even if they do, they are witty enough to keep up with your wittiness. There are several scenerios that happen when you put a witty remark on someone “status”. One, they remark back with a “What are you talking about?” because they don’t understand sarcasm (on social networks this about 51% of people). Then there is the 5% that understand your wit, but not witty enough to retort back to you. You will recognize these people as ones that say, “LOL!” or “You are so funny!”, or the ones the just hit the thumb up button, but won’t reply back to the wit and engage in what the witty call “banter”. Then there are the rest of the people (if my math is correct that is 44%. There is no miscellanous because I say so.) These people do what we can’t do when in real life social situations. They are the ones that “ignore” our responses. They are the ones that I wish I could be in real life, or the one I would be if I ever posted statuses that people responded to.
And with that, I bid you a bitter day, because I don’t want to right anything anymore. My fingers are too tired and need a recliner.
Bitter Monday blahhhs Ben
- Bitter News with Pictures (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- Day after Bitterness (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- Bitter Awareness Week (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)