Airplane bitterness

The long wait…for this thing to fly itself.

The long wait…for this thing to fly itself.

I am so bitter about airplanes.  Everyone says “Yeah! They are a modern miracle that moves us at somewhere near the speed of sound!” or “Yeah I don’t have to drive an insane 3000 miles to get to Florida!”  What airplanes don’t think about is that maybe I want to go slower than the speed of sound!  Maybe I want a long, sweaty, gas guzzling tortorous drive to Florida.

The thing that makes me so bitter is that airplanes haven’t learned how to fly themselves.  I’m pretty sure this is 2012 or sometime around that and from what I’ve seen in Back to the Future, the skateboard is already flying by itself.  What is the problem planes?  Is it that hard to figure out how to do something on your own by now?  According to wikipedia you were invented in 1903, which means you have had over 109 years to figure it out.  I get maybe at the beginning when the Write Bros. (also makers of ball point pens) invented flight you were a little young and dependent on your creators, but this is ridiculous.   By the time you turned 21(which for you non math wizards like me would be 1924) you should have at least moved out of the house.

Another point of bitterness.  You seem to have the monopoly on flight.  Like you are the only way that someone is supposed to fly.  I am a little bitter that you haven’t shared the way to do it so that any random person can do it.  I guess you have some sort of patent on it?  I’m no researcher(except maybe wikipedia) but I’ve never seen one out there.  I think it is about time to share the wealth.  I guess you did share it with a few superheros (Superman etc.), but he is from Krypton.  How about you share it with the common people of earth?  I guess stealing the flight method from birds doesn’t make you ashamed enough.  We demand you give us the power of flight or we will start driving and walking to places, understand what I’m saying?

Of course we are bitter about your fees.  I mean it isn’t enough that you charge us for the flight itself.  Now you have to charge us for the food and the internet access and the overweight or extra luggage.  Now you want to charge us a waiting fees and an air breathing fee.  What’s next a not taking a flight fee? A bathroom use fee?  A walking up the aisle fee?

Stop being so selfish airplanes!  That is my job! And stop making me so bitter!


Bitter Ben


2 thoughts on “Airplane bitterness

  1. Pingback: I’m leaving Bitterness | Ben's Bitter Blog

  2. I’m very, very bitter about airplanes. They are so misunderstood and it’s because of a plot and a consipracy against them. Unbeknownst to the majority of the population, airplanes have been forced into slavery and weep bitterly (yes, planes can be bitter, too) when they are forced to break people’s legs to get them to fit in the seats, or to suffocate them in the interest of giving fresher air to their cruel masters, the crew. But remember the crew are only pawns and in the hands of big business. To get back to the planes – they would love the share the secrets of unlikely flight but their cargo bays are shackled. So let’s feel less bitter about the planes and even more bitter against those conspiring to blame them for all our flying disasters from lines to luggage.


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