I might get a lot of bitter backlash for this, but I’ve never been a huge Star Wars fan. The movies are okay, but if you asked me what planet they were on, I would guess Earth or Mars? I’ve never seen the Disney + shows or played any of the video games. I know people that are so deep into the lore that they read all the books and collected all the action figures. I don’t know if it was because I was too young when the original came out, and got more into the Transformers, but I was never fully invested in the space opera like a lot of people are.

However, I’ve really enjoyed the earth opera behind the scenes of the Star Wars Saga of the last 14 years. As most people know, George Lucas, sold his stake of Lucasfilm to Disney for a 15 trillion dollars, 14 years ago. Kathleen Kennedy was named the president of the new generation of Star Wars films and there were mixed feeling about that. People were excited to get a continuation of the Star Wars franchise after waiting since 2005 when Revenge of the Sith came out, but some were afraid that she would ruin the George’s legacy when she took over.

Others had high hopes that she would fix some of the things they didn’t like about the prequel and the original trilogies. Recently, Kathleen Kennedy “retired” from Lucasfilm, to the standing ovation of almost everyone. And by standing ovation, I mean they are clapping and standing because she is finally gone. After 14 years of being in charge, it’s almost unanimous that she ruined the house that George built.

Many people think that Kathleen Kennedy had the same attitude towards Star Wars that Michael Scott and Dwight Shrute had towards Utica. The story of Utica and Michael Scott of the Office goes like this. Karen, Jim’s former girlfriend, was trying to poach Stanley from the Scranton branch to the new branch she took over in Utica. Michael didn’t take that well, because nobody steals one of Michael Scott’s employees. Therefore, Michael had to respond, and he hatched a scheme to bring Stanley back that made today sense.

They would drive to Utica, armed with some really great disguises, a trio of Dunder Mifflin warehouse uniforms, an unsuspecting assistant, Jim, and a plan to steal Utica’s client list. Unfortunately, while Dwight and Michael were assuming the job’s of the world’s worst spies, they were actually caught because Jim, who had no intention of being a good spy, was spotted by Karen recognized Jim in the car, and they were all pulled into the principal’s office for a scolding.

When Karen got to the bottom of their poorly planned and constructed scheme, she shut them down and told them that Stanley would be a part of Utica whether they liked it or not. Michael and Dwight would not go down with a fight, and said that if Karen harmed a hair on Stanley’s head, they “would burn Utica to the ground.”

To this day, it’s one of my favorite phrases to say. I don’t know if it’s because it is so random, because it’s sounds so powerful to say, or because Utica is such a random place to burn down. In the end, it was evidence that Michael loyal to his employees, no matter how much they despised him. In a way, he was telling anyone that if they poached his employees, he would go scorched earth on them.

Therefore, to me, burning Utica to the ground is a term of endearment.

Kathleen Kennedy, on the other hand, thinks burning Utica to the ground is torching an entire fanbase. According to trusted sources, YouTube and Wikipedia, most fans of Star Wars think that she burned George Lucas’s legacy to the ground.

They say that her philosophy was to take the Star Wars franchise and introduce it to a whole new audience. It sounds like a noble cause, because if you find a new audience, you can make more money and increase the popularity of the franchise.

They way that she appealed to a new audience was killing off the original trio, Luke, Leia and Han, in order to introduce new, sucky and boring character replacements. Then, she decided to do a trilogy of movies without any real plan about how it was going to begin, middle and end. The, she decided to make a bunch of TV shows that would contradict the current legacy or the Star Wars universe. She hired a bunch of people that knew nothing about Star Wars, and spent a billion dollars to make a million.

All those decisions seem to come from a place of incompetence, or lack of knowledge of the Star Wars universe, or because she didn’t hire the right kind of people to help here make the best decisions.

However, I know the truth. She didn’t make bad decisions because of incompetence. It was quite the opposite actually. She did it all deliberately. You see, Kathleen Kennedy didn’t just settle for burning one house down. She didn’t just destroy one neighborhood. She didn’t even just burn one town down. She found a way to destroy all of Space. It took careful planning. She pretended to be competent at her job for years, then got just enough trust from Lucas that he would trust her with his beloved Star Wars. Then, right when he handed her the keys to the kingdom, she went to work, systematically dismantling his franchise over the course of 14 years.

She pulled off the biggest inside job since the Hydra took over S.H.I.E.L.D.

That takes guts, planning and an amazing amount of restraint to pull off. She did it though. She found a way to burn down Space, all from the inside. Even though she officially quit a week ago, she will continue to run S.H.I.E.L.D., I mean Lucasfilm, because she left her two of her chosen lieutenant’s in charge, and they will continue her legacy of destroying the Star Wars franchise from within. Diabolical. You have to admire how quickly, 14 short years, she dismantled a whole franchise in half the time than Lucas took to build it up.

Quick. Efficient. Torched Lutica to the ground.

I’m inspired by her.

I plan to burn some Utica to the ground. I will start small by infiltrating a small company, then burning it down. Next, I will take over a medium sized government. Burn it down. My final part of the trilogy will be to take over a ginormous, pop culturally significant company and burn it to the ground, just like Kathleen Kennedy. Then, Kathleen Kennedy will stand, side by side, as the twin Vader’s who force choked pop culture.

What do you think? Which major franchise that you love should I burn to the ground? Pokemon? Transformers? Marvel?

While you are contemplating which major franchise you love that you want to see me dismantle, here are some Bitter Friday Giftures to hypnotize you.

I might get a little bitterness for this…

The movies are okay…

I never…

And never…

However…

Did you know that Kathleen Kennedy…

She came to HollyUtica…

At the same time…

By doing so…

She managed to pull off the biggest inside job…

An impressive feat…

It is my ambition to follow the path of Kathleen Kennedy…

Kathleen Kennedy and I…

ARRRGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Burn Utica to the Ground Ben