Hacking Into Prison BFG’s

I’ve always tried my best to stay out of prison. I’m claustrophobic, for goodness sakes. I can’t possibly imagine having to spend all my time in a 6 ft. X 8 ft. room for most of the day. Also, I’m an introvert. If I was forced to speak to people all the time, like having listening to a prison guard tell me to get on my knees so he can beat me, that would suck, because I’d rather he just beat me, instead of tell me that he has to beat me.

If all I had to was watch TV all day that would be fine, but I hear prisons make you work out all the time. Working out is okay sometimes, but given the choice between TV time and working out, I’ll go for the couch almost every time. I’ve heard the food is really good though, except for the occasional worms, and you don’t even have to prepare it? The only other time I haven’t had to make all my meals is when I was in the dorms, and we ate in a cafeteria, and man did I get tired of eating potatoes all the time there. I guess when you’re in Idaho, there isn’t any other kind of food there?

The reason why I worry about going to jail is because I am a hacker now. I hear that the government isn’t a big fan of hackers and they like to send them to prison for doing so. It’s not like I’ve chosen to be a hacker, it’s that the apps on my phone, and on the computer are forcing me into it. If I want access to almost any of them, I need a password. That’s fine. I’m glad to use a password.

I like to use easy passwords like 11111111. My apps don’t like those kinds of passwords though. So then I have to try something else, and add some letters. Letters and numbers are cool too I guess, so I’ll throw in a letter, because I’m nice that way. But then some apps start getting really demanding and require that I must add a special character. That is where I’m starting to draw a line.

Apps are now requiring a letter, a number, a special character, a 12 digit code, you can’t write it down anywhere, you can’t use a computer to store it for safety, and you have to have a 2FA, two factor authentication. The second authentication usually requires that they send a text sent to your phone, but what if the thing you want to do is to restart your phone? Then you’re in a world of trouble.

Now you are stuck in an eternal loop of you will never get your data back. In fact, I spent over a year trying to get access to this bitter blog back, because I used an old work email as my login and as soon as I quit, I lost access to it.

All the other ways I could get it back were useless too. If it wasn’t for my wife finding out that a credit card that we shared, had two different numbers and we never saw the bill for mine, I probably would have had to hack my way into my blog.

Most of the time, when an app that asks me to do 2-factor authentication, I just give up and forget about using the app. I seriously don’t have time for that. But every once in a while when my life depends on it, (like when I need to get into Pokemon Go), I will spend hours trying to figure it out. Even if I have to hack my way into the app. I’ve already spend years getting all 980 Pokemon that are in my Pokedex and I’m not going to just let all that hard work go to waste. Laws be damned.

I fully expect one of these days, that the police will be coming to my door to arrest me for hacking into Pokemon Go, and to be honest, I will turn myself in. I know I’m guilty, because I did some nefarious things to get into them.

I think I’m about to give up on my a promise of the safety of my data, just so we don’t have to hack into my own apps. If it is easier for hackers to find their way into my data than it is for me, then I think we’ve gone too far.

I really hope that the hackers do get into my data. Then they will see how little value there is for them. As far as my money goes, they will probably lose more money hacking into my accounts than they will ever gain from the money in my accounts. As far as I’m concerned they can have the cars too, because I could probably only sell those for the amount of gas that is in the tank, and one of mine is at a quarter of a tank, and the other is an electric and it is only has a 25% charge at the moment.

They can have my house too, as long as they are okay will finishing the basement, and cleaning out all the crap in the basement. They could try to sell the stuff in the basement, but they will have to sell most of it on Facebook Marketplace, and no one likes to do that.

Come to think about it, maybe like the employees of Dunder Mifflin realized, maybe jail isn’t as bad as working 10 hours a day for 50 years at a job you don’t like. And besides, if you hack into your accounts while you are in jail, what are they going to do? Give you more jail?

Think about that, while you are viewing this week’s Bitter Friday Giftures…

I’ve always tried to stay our of prison…