I’m a big fan of the Transformers Universe. From the moment I watched the first episode, I was Transfixed. It hooked me because of the robot changing to the car thing, but there was something simple that Transformers did that made Transformers so much more relatable to me than say, Star Wars.

Like most Sci-Fi, Transformers started on a foreign planet, called CyberTron. If the rest of the series were set there, and they never made it to earth and met humans, I wouldn’t have liked it much, if at all. Don’t get me wrong, Cybertron was cool, but having 2 story tall robots interacting with 5-6 feet tall humans made it so much more interesting to me, if only because some of them didn’t immediately want to stomp on us.

Spike, his dad Sparkplug Witwikky weren’t the most interesting people, but they were at least human characters that the robots could interact with to anchor the show. I often wondered if Spike and Sparkplug ever went to school or worked, or if they just gave up worldly responsibilities to live in Autobot headquarters that was inside a spaceship, inside a cave. It reminds of where they hide the “Juicedratic Equation” that makes Starbursts taste so juicy.

There were a whole lot of things that never made sense in the Transformers Universe, but when you are hooked into something, you will suspend belief for just about anything. Besides, humans do things every day that don’t make sense, and we are supposedly live in this reality. Aliens probably visit us all the time, but look at some of the nonsense things we do, and think we’re a ridiculous TV show.

For instance, my son will literally tell my wife that he will pick up his stuff on the stairs “in just a minute” and then 3 days later and 12 reminders later, the stuff will still be there. It would make sense to pick it up, because it would be easier than tripping on it, or because he needed to wear some of it. He decides to do the only illogical thing and trip over it day after day. That is just one tiny example of the stupid, illogical things that humans do, day after day, that don’t make any sense.

Another thing that doesn’t make any sense to me, is the fact that I’ve never had an affinity for Space. Never really liked Star Wars, or Star Trek or Sun Space, or any of those other Sci-Fi realms. Space is dark and bleak and filled with not oxygen, so not a place I want to hang out. Which doesn’t make sense to me, because I love the dark. Ironically, the night is my favorite time of the day. And I love space. Probably because I have claustrophobia, but the first thing I would do if I won the lottery would be to buy a mansion, because it has more space. Yet Space has so much more room and I don’t want to have to wear a suit just to be able to breathe.

The universe is a big place, but in another sense, it isn’t. I hop from universe to universe all day long. From midnight to 5 am, I space travel a lot. My body lays down, I close my eyes, and my brain reboots for the night. I basically forget everything I did the day before for 5 hours and participate in space travel of the mind. Who knows where or why my brain decides to where it goes, but it isn’t anywhere near reality. It could be Cybertron, Hoth, Middle Earth, or some amalgamation of those. Or I could be stuck in my hypothetical mansion that has a Mega Mall in the basement. Those are a lot of different universes.

But that isn’t all. For the next hour, I’m in the universe of my home. Right now there are two other beings that inhabit that universe, my wife and son. Usually they are sleeping, so my Homebase universe is quiet, and the atmosphere is relatively calm in the morning. Then, I will go outside and enter into my car universe. It’s a really small universe, and the atmosphere is filled with talk radio noise. This universe is called The Road and could be a dangerous place. Like the old man in Zelda would say, “The world is a dangerous place. Take this.”, but instead of a sword, he hands you a car.

Then on most days, I will enter a much more dangerous universe, inhabited with many hostile alien forms called co-workers, that I will soon have to confront when they start entering the universe at 8:30 and 9:00am. This is an extremely busy, noisy and sweaty universe that you only enter because they transfer a small portion of money units to your bank. The federation takes about 30-90 percent of your credits, and your wife and kids take the rest. So really, you’re work in this universe is transferred to the other universes.

As soon as you are sufficiently depressed about that, you discover that it is 5 pm, and you are legally allowed to leave the Work universe, unless you spend too much time writing a blog post, or looking that the internet universe and don’t get all your work done.

Then you enter the outerlands some call the outdoors. The bright light is almost too much to bear, so you enter the Autoverse again to protect you from heat, light and other people. By this time, many other cars have entered that universe and it becomes a dangerous place of high speed, middle fingers and honking horns.

Before you are allowed to go back to the Homiverse, you must first go to the Excerdome, which is where you will run in place…for some stupid reason. Possibly to collect all your sweat for some nefarioius purposes. In fact, you can’t leave until you sweat every drop. All you want to do at that point is your favorite dwelling space, CouchPlanet where you can’t hear anything but the TV and Video games. If you ever leave the couch, there is a risk that you might be confronted by the wife or kid and have to travel back to the road and take them to Groceryverse, the HighSchoolFootballField, the ParentsHouse, or the FootBallGame. It’s best to just pretend you are asleep.

No wonder we are tired…all…the…time. We are constantly moving between all these universes and each one requires you to transfer all your money, or sweat from every pore before you leave. Each one has different rules, environments, and atmospheres. They all have different dress codes, and certain times you need to be at them. Most have dangerous aliens that want to suck you dry. All so we can hopefully, if we are lucky, make it to RetirementVillage, before we lose all memory and visit the next universe after our bodies separate from our souls.

For now…let’s just visit BitterFridayGiftureville…

The reason why I liked Transformers…

The reason why I related to Transformers…

There were a lot of things that didn’t make sense…

Or talking transforming Dinosaurs…

But then again…

Like for instance, I can’t stand Space…

Also, the universe seems…

Yet we are traveling between universes…

The State of Dreams…

My least favorite universe to visit…

They have way too many email…

And the gymuniverse sucks too…

Love working out? Then you probably need some Nutricost Creatine. It’s the #1 selling Creatine on Amazon. Plus, if you buy it, I will get a sweet commission. So here’s the link. Enjoy your gains!

ARRRGGGHHHH

Bitter Universe Hopping Ben