There is this weird epidemic of weather here in Utah that I’m not sure exists anywhere else. Since we live in these valleys that are surrounded by mountain ranges, when it’s cold and doesn’t snow for a while, we get this thing called The Inversion. It’s one of those made-up weather words like the Polar Vortex a few years ago. It’s like this epic scary weather that isn’t so much a hurricane or tornado or tsunami, but more like this really grouchy monster that breathes really heavy. If it was Micheal Scott, it would burn Utica to the ground. Actually, it would just breathe really hot air in the sky.
Basically, it means that all this really bad air gets trapped in the valley and won’t go away. It kind of reminds me of people that come to my house for a party and then never leaves. The only way to make it go away is by having it snow. So, we beg for it to snow, even though we really don’t like snow. In the same vein, burying people in the snow is the only way to get rid of unwanted house guests.
Unfortunately for everyone that reads this blog, burying me in the snow doesn’t get rid of Bitter Friday Giftures. Sorry.
Just another day in Utah…
…during The Inversion.
Don’t worry though…
…we’re used to all the bad air.
It never…
…causes headaches.
It never makes us…
…see visions…
Or makes us…
…see things…
We’re not seeing things…
…in cartoon terms.
Just like how we can’t breathe…
…because we don’t have our gas masks.
Also sometimes it’s hard to see…
…when most of our eyes are covered.
Just like global warming…
…The Inversion has forced us indoors.
There is a possibility…
…that this is something that could happen if we go outside.
All we want…
…is a little sun…
But The Inversion forces us to…
…to beg for this.
The Inversion is a sneaky son of a gun and quite ambitious. He is trying his hardest to become the most famous random weather pattern. He is tired of being seventh fiddle to Hurricane, Tornado, Volcano Eruption, Tsunami, Polar Vortex, and Avalanches. Unfortunately, he is trying and failing. In fact, he is even falling behind wildfire because wildfire burns stuff and gives us bad air.
ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
Bitter Inversion Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 