Uhh. me.
Ever since I was pretty young, I’ve been a really small circle of bitter friends kind of guy. As previously noted on this blog, I’m a claustraphobic and I probably didn’t mention, I have social anxiety too. You probably don’t have to be Einstein to figure that out. Basically parties are my worst nightmare. They have many people and if you don’t talk at them, you are considered a pariah.
I’ve always been fine with being a pariah. A bitter person’s favorite thing. The problem is that the universe or whoever is in charge of punishing introverts, gave me a son. A son who is an extravert. He always wants to be around people. As soon as he started talking, he never stopped talking. He would be at parks and find new friends. Stores and he would find new friends. He even finds them at weird places like school. He will hop on Xbox and has more friends on there than I’ve probably had in my entire 45 years. It is a little unsettling.
When we first moved here, he found a new friend at church the first day. Then at his first day of school, same. When finally got our house 20 minutes away, and we move into a neighborhood that has all kinds of kids, but super young ones. He is struggling to find a friend. And it is driving us crazy. He always want to spend time with ME now. I’m like, all I want to do is lay here on my couch once I get home and never get up from it. The kid needs to find a new friend.
Need a friend please.
Then, an awesome idea came to me. Probably would never work, but how about an app like Tinder, except just for kids to find a friends. You could match certain interests and age groups, area (not farther than a few blocks) and you could find this kid a friend. Unfortunately, the creepers will always find a way to ruin something like that, but in a perfect world, wouldn’t it be nice to be able to match up your kids with their ideal friends and find friends that I could actually tolerate? Anyways, I know it is a pipe dream, but no one ever thought online dating would work to find love either.
I just need my kid to find his bro so I can get my bro time at home.
What do you think? Should we invent Friend Finder?
ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH
Bitter Couch Time Ben