Taylor Made Bitter Friday Giftures

 

Alright, my laziness has reached an all time low. Or high? I can’t decide which one is right. Anyways, as I said last week, it seems like I do all the work around here, with the writing and with the graphic design, ur, stealing gifs from other places, and then you guys also make me put the comments under the gifs every week. So I’m just going to let you guys and girls do the work this week. I will put up the giftures up and number them or something, and then you can make your puns or funny or bitter comments under them. You know use your imagination. Because I certainly don’t have one. Maybe look at the comments and see if anyone has any and you can try to top them or make fun of them. Think of this as your Choose Your Own Adventure. Anyways, enough words from me. It is your turn to make up stuff. Here ye go.

1

Insert bitter comment.

2

Insert sarcastic comment.

3

Insert lazy comment.

4

Insert goofy comment.

5

Insert witty comment.

6

Insert dumb comment.

7

Insert weird comment.

8

Insert unfunny comment.

9

Insert useless comment.

10

Insert insane comment.

11

Insert moronic comment.

12

Insert inane comment.

Alright, I’m sure there will be a prize or whatever. Or maybe not. I’m just seeing who is paying attention out there and who actually has any sort of intelligence, wisdom and sharp, sarcastic wittiness…so I can steal their comments and commentary make them do all my words for me.

ARRRRRGGGHHHHH

Bitter Taylor Made Ben

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58 thoughts on “Taylor Made Bitter Friday Giftures

  1. #1. Tonight… on a very special Thomas the Tank Engine. Viewer discretion, is advised. #2. Oh, wait… that rose had my winning lottery ticket attached to it! #3. Got me, coppers! #4. Take that, Fred! That’s for yelling I couldn’t run a hundred yards against your team’s defence just so I could throw this ball in your face. Putz! #5. Hee, hee, hee guess who? On Candid Camera! #6. Phew, that was nearly the one that almost got away. #7. Well, now I know why everyone wanted me to go first. I hate being their guinea pig. #8. No, not the jumbotron! You guys. Dear god, don’t you know the retirement home will send out the search dogs now? This is the last time I sneak out after dark. #9. Weee! Thanks, mom, this is way more fun than that zip-line prank you pulled on me last April Fools! #10. Ha! And they said I’d need a mit! #11. If only I had had one more hop, I’m certain I could have reached him. Damn that new math. #12. I thought this only happened to humans. 😀

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      • Yep, one through twelve were tough… totally stumped me. Thank goodness for thirteen through one hundred and sixty-two, though—because they totally saved my tail. I just regret that you didn’t have enough space to post those. Nevertheless, I’d still be honoured to accept the award for bitter merit on behalf of bitter responders everywhere for this weeks Friday Gifture puns. That way, my fellow nominees will at least get to revel in my bitterness at this week’s Bitter Awards. 😀

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        • I keep thinking they will broadcast the Bitter Awards, but somehow they keep getting preempted by old episodes of JAG at three in the morning. I guess they couldn’t handle that many people watching them at three in the morning….

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        • And with 3 to 3:14 AM typically being the best hour (ur-15 minutes) for viewers between the ages of 75 and 86—which happens to be our prime demographic for the Bitter Awards, according to TMZ. If only the networks would promote them, then I’m almost certain they would achieve the coveted 0.01/2 share in the overnight ratings—thus knocking off that perennial late-night favourite, Oxy-Clean informercials. Especially if we had Betty White to hosting! I realise, though, that’s probably a pipe dream at best, but I suspect Kirk Douglas wouldn’t even be interested in hosting at this point—particularly since that’s the hour he does his 500 pushups. No… I think we’re going to have to push for Betty White to host—it’s our only hope now.

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        • They should know that we have low-quality programming that can totally compete with the worst of the worst at 3 am. We are even worse than OxyClean. But don’t they want train wrecks like ours to raise the ratings?

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        • I know, Ben, I know! I mean, here we are, two ne’re do well bloggers from WordPress (just the number 2 name in blogging), going WAY out of our way (’cause we have nothing better to do) attempting to offer program directors everywhere a show (which virtually no one would stay up to watch except insomniacs and graveyard workers), and one which would only cost them virtually nothing to produce—maybe 8 or 9 million out of their advertising budget (hell, it ain’t even our money), and that would just be to pay Ms. Betty White to host-only just the 422nd biggest name in showbusiness today!) and all they can do is ignore us. Us… just the 2 lowest visited blogs on the entire internet! Well, mine anyway. So, is it any wonder that people are marching in the streets (by the dozens) protesting network executives and their decisions to bring back shows like “Will and Grace” and “Rosanne” without consulting us first? Just boggles the mind doesn’t it?

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  2. 1. Thomas the tanked engine…. and.. um-friend.
    2. Flor de..not-a-leap.
    3. [Dimensional joke goes here] (Also: Now I want a cop-car silhouette, damnit. Methylated neighbors, you see…)
    4. Sorry. Sports.. fell asleep.. yet again.
    5. ‘e goes there!
    6, Nice…. catch? Cache?
    7. You’re supposed to drink AFTER the run. NOT before. No more akavit for you!
    8. Handy Facetime… ain’t.
    9. Sweet Chariot! Stop that Swinging Low already!
    A. Cap-tacular catch. -OR- You’ve got lice!
    B. Ya falls on your @ss when you’re up ag’in *MASS*.
    C. Whaddaymean jump? It;s more fun MY WAY! I MEANT to do that. Silly humans!
    D. Hey, where’d it go.
    E= mc^2
    F: The grade this likely get.

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  3. 1. Freaky Friday deja vu…uh…choo choo!
    2. Dear departed granny wanted everyone to join her “in the drink”!
    3. Fake Cop Car catches stupid people speeding! See the story tonight on The Fake News!
    4. Football is like life: sometimes you make a touchdown…sometimes you just get a ball in your face.
    5. Just spotted my next victim! Mwahahaha!
    6. Ya’ never know what ya’ gonna’ fish outa’ the water! She’s a keeper!
    7. Dang! I shoulda’ worn my Gore-Tex shorts!
    8. Wonder what Granny did last night?! She doesn’t seem to want people to know that’s her on the Jumbo Tron!
    9. Little Dorothy is Gone with the Wind!
    10. Here’s one way to score a new hat!
    11. Kid in white pants: “I’ve had enough of this little pest!”
    12. Doggone it! Maybe I should stick to pole dancin’…no more pole jumpin!

    Well, I’m not great at captioning, but I always have fun giving it a try! 😀
    HUGS!!! 🙂

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  4. 1. And people thought Chucky was creepy!
    2. Rest in…. OUT OF THE WATER!!!
    3. Too lazy to actually watch over traffic… Not lazy enough to just park an empty car.
    4. Nothing like a bitter winner!
    5. Yeah…. I killed that Pokemon… What is it YOU want?
    6. “Great catch, hun!” she said… “Worst parenting EVER!” I told the children department.
    7. Skier… 1! Water… 1!
    8. Y M C yeah Granny!!!
    9. Today should be cloudy with a little breeze and a possibility of your child dying!!
    10. Now, aren’t you glad this guy didn’t loose his denture??
    11. Life lesson… Don’t work so hard, just learn how to aim the first time!
    12. When you learn that “Almost” sometimes hurts!

    There!! Not the best work ever… but then again, it would be embarassing to do better than you, right?

    Liked by 2 people

  5. OMGaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawd…

    you want bitterness?… I’ll give you bitterness!!! I had done the challenge… All 12 of them!!! And WP didn’t record my comment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I’ll try to find all my ideas again…. Ugh!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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