As I sit here staring out the window at the snow gently, slowly and bitterly pounding the ground and every other obstacle in its destructive path, I reflect back poorly on the entire last week. Just like the snow clings hard and doesn’t let go until the warm air of the sun destroys it, I reflect on last week as its ickyness continues to stick to me like snow does to the streets all winter.
You know how people generally avoid stores from January until November 24th, then all of sudden people transform into zombies that must consume all things at all costs and will do everything they can to get all electronics, toys, clothes and appliances in a month and a half’s time? Well, this zombie behavior must stop, because my bitterness is starting wear thick.
You know what else is hanging by a bitter thread? My hair. I don’t know why they continually want to hang out on my head, because this head is no party. All that is left is the three AM crowd. The annoying ones that won’t leave even though the party invitation said the party ended about 20 years ago. All the cool hair’s left to join the Gosling, Effron and Bradley Cooper party and I’m left with all the hangers on. They just can’t take a hint. Just go. We will all be bitter off for it.
My patience is also hanging on for dear life. It is sitting on that long couch with the button things that isn’t very comfortable and being asked questions by a therapist. It is getting tired of answering questions about its feelings or what its parents did to it that was so horrible and trying dig deep in its mind about what repressed memories it can find. Well, patience was never really good at digging up things, because it got tired about 5 minutes after its dad made it dig ditches in the back yard to find the supposed gold that was supposed to be buried back there. Also its hand got calloused too easily. And patience is kind of lazy, which I can totally relate to.
The sad tree out on that lawn is clinging for its dear life. For 43 years, I’ve provided trees with the valuable carbon dioxide it so desperately needs, the freaking dirt me and patience continually had to dig up, and even given birth to a few through my excellent throwing seeds into the earth thing, and all it can do is continually ask me for more. I’m tired of supporting it’s lavish leaf spewing lifestyle. All I do is give and give and all the tree does is down my power lines, litter its leaves all over the place and drop its branches everywhere. It claims that it gives me oxygen, but I think that is all a scam. I believe I get oxygen from the air I breathe thank you very much.
Spiderman on this train. He’s like hanging for dear life. Though I think he will probably survive because of his Spidey Senses, Spidey Strength, and Spidey Web thingies that he uses, but he is probably hanging on for dear scrapes and bruises. The people in the train may not be so lucky if it falls though. Actually, I think it’s the city that is hanging by the thread. While you were running around trying to save a bank with a couple of Bitter Benjamin’s in its bank, you cost the city trillions for all its building damage. Thanks for saving that one insurance building though. Because we are going to need it to handle all these new claims.
My VHF collection is hanging on for dear life. At it’s apex, had titles from action to comedy to drama to family drama (home movies, not actually Hollywood productions), and it was all organized to be able to be found by type and title and star rating. Now I can’t even find a VCR to play this massive collections of actual movies. I even had a car that doubled as a rewinder. Now, all the movies I own in complete disarray because I can’t seem to find the right website or cloud where they are stored. Is it cloud 9 or is it the one that is covering the city with all this snow? I can never remember which one has all the stuff. If only I could find the stupid VCR and rewind all my movies right now…
So, what is hanging on for dear life in your lives?
Bitter Hanging on by a Thread Ben