The terrifying dragonfly.
Yesterday while we were watching my son play his first tackle football game, it was super hot and sunny, so we decided to retreat to some shade so I wouldn’t get sunburned for the seventh time this summer. Utter failure as always. When we finally sat down, we realized that we were in the middle of an epic tornado of dragonflies. I’ve never really been freaked out by dragonflies because they are pretty harmless, but when they form a horde around you, they become pretty freaky. I thought we were in the middle of a dragonfly apocalypse.
At some point we thought the game was mercifully over, so we somehow made it out of the swarm of dragonflies. But it wasn’t without a few close calls. A couple of weeks earlier, we went to a great aunt’s house and she had a hummingbird feeder. Surprisingly, hummingbird’s show up. It was at this time that I noticed that hummingbirds and dragonflies both seem pretty harmless, and have similar flight patterns. But really they are both just waiting in the “wings” to take over this world while we sit idly by.
So, which of these “sneeky terrorist fliers” are going to take over before we all know it?
First up to plate: Dragonflies
They are named after the Dragon, who as far as I know only exist in folklore like Game of Thrones or Pokemon. Unlike the yellowjacket or mosquito, who you run from because they can sting you, or give you some Zika, dragonflies can’t sting, bite or mame like a dragon. But their twitchy flying pattern suggests that there is much more to these “harmless” creatures. They are like the harmless butterfly in that they seem gentle and fly around randomly, but in a bit of randomness can “accidentally” land on you and all of a sudden their horde is surrounding you and harmlessly killing humans one horde at a time. Pretty soon they will be much more dangerous than even the dragons or the flies they are named after.
Next up: Hummingbirds
The out of control Hummingbird.
While Hummingbirds are supposed to be equally harmless, have you seen these guys ravage the food in Hummingbird feeders? They have beaks like a Woodpecker, and the speed of a fighter jet from Top Gun flown by Goose and Maverick. I heard somewhere that they are the world’s fastest bird, which would be fine if they could control where they went. But have you seen these reckless fliers? It would be like putting a kid who had a little too much milk to drink in the fastest Lamborghini in the world. On those National Geographic specials, they like to show you the “majestic” slow motion wing flapping, but what they don’t show you is the E! True Hollywood story behind the scenes Hummingbird feeder fueled crashes they cause on the Aviary Highways.
So, what sneaky harmless killers scare you the most? Which would you be more surprised to take over this world in an apocalypse? Who wins the battle between the horde like Dragonfly or the Out of Control Hummingbird?
ARRRRRGGGHHHHH
Bitter Rivalry Ben