I’m pretty sure the internet/blogosphere/Wordpress has learned to adjust to life without me, but I have not learned to adjust to life without it. Even though I have taken an involuntary break for 4 days without blogging which I would never do on purpose, my thoughts are never far from bitterness. Every little slight, or mistreatment or ounce of sweat that I had to go through, has been filed away in my little short term memory file to someday be used as a post. Unfortunately, my short term memory files stuff in the long term memory pretty fast and long term memory is kind of a jerk at letting me remember stuff. So I wrote a few things down and forgot a bunch of useless stuff like where my keys and wallet and phone are so I could free up some space for important blog post subjects like my move, my house sale and a couple of other posts that will bitter you up a little, but first and foremost, I have something to make up for and that is my Friday Giftures. I missed them because people kept distracting me with things like, “You need to pack this glass jar that we will never use into this 26 foot truck”, or “Quit swerving off the road so you much while trying to do your Friday Giftures!” and I didn’t really get it, but I stopped for “safety reasons” or something. Anyways, I finally have a second where people aren’t harassing me for some reason, and can finally give you Friday 3 days late. So you better appreciate these gifs while driving off the road or ignoring your lousy co-workers, or doing spit takes for a movie audition or something (I’m talking to you Rainn Wilson), or all this hard work will have been in vain (okay all my hard work ever is always in vain). Onto the giftures:
Let’s start out…
…like a falling star.
Then we can see if we can get things to go more…
…swimmingly.
And here we start fishing for…
…the fall collection.
And listen to some of our favorite…
…Dizzy Gillespie music.
And then when we get tired…
…we’ll just hit the wall and crash.
You know what this party needs…
…a little bump up in the music department.
Leave it to dad…
…to not let us burn down the house.
And to not even let us get…
…sleep in a little bit.
And some people haven’t even seen…
…what will happen at the surprise party.
We tried…
…but we just couldn’t have a ball.
So we did what we normally like to do…
…fall short of expectations.
And even on our expectations…
…we fell about 50 cents short.
So I’m glad to be back late once again, because nothing is better than falling short and being late at the same time. As long as I can get to an internet connection(that isn’t dial-up), I will be posting stuff, maybe late, but it’s bitter to be late about bitterness, than to not be bitter at all.
ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH
Bitterly Late Ben