My life goals. (I would credit the author, but I don’t know Unkown’s last name.)
I was talking to my writer’s group the other day and told them I could not make it to the group this week because I was too lazy and wanted to sleep in on Saturday. They totally would have believed me if I actually did say that, but unfortunately, that isn’t what I really told them. Actually, we have a garage sale planned, which means it will probably rain many bitter tears upon the earth, because that is what happens when you plan an activity outside in Seattle. When you have nothing planned or if you are at work all day, that is when the sun comes out fast and furious. Because apparently the sun has a huge vendetta against Seattle.
It all happened many years ago, when the founder of Seattle cursed the skies….okay I’m getting off topic. So I told my group that I would be doing a garage sale, so essentially I WOULD be doing some editing, but instead of words I would be editing the junk out of our house. Only in this case, someone would be taking all the edited junk and moving it to their house to start their own trainwreck of a novel, I mean reusing the junk.
So, I thought, what else in life could use a little editing(besides this post)?
Ready for some editing?
How about that meeting you just attended? I’m a huge advocate of not going to meetings, so when I surprisingly got invited to a random meeting with a bigwig at my office that I hardly ever interact with, I was kind of shocked. I tried to get out of it, by emailing my manager and asking if I should really go, because shouldn’t I be doing just about anything else? But, she sabotaged me and told me to happily accept the request. And I’m so glad I did because I got to sit there for and hour and a half (originally scheduled for an hour) going over reasons why we should NOT go forward with a program that we are going to go through with anyways. If only I had my Imovie so I could have edited the hour and 15 minutes that weren’t needed….
The best way to edit conversations.
Conversations are something I think should be edited too. There’s a reason why conversations work well in movies. Because they are usually well scripted out, and done with people who are experts at talking, but most of all, because they are edited. They get to take out all the awkward pauses and the mundane moments. In real life you are stuck talking about your day with the same people for 15 years. The same people that irritate and annoy you. The same people you have to go to meetings with. If you could just do a little editing of your conversations, you wouldn’t be near as bitter about people.
Like the kind of dream that happens when you are asleep.
You know what could really use some editing? The work week. After years of experience with work weeks, it has come to my attention that there are hours and even days that could use a little shavey shaverson from the work week. Monday mornings are useless. No one is ready in any capacity to do anything at all productive on Monday mornings. It might appear that people are working, but all they are doing is trying to wake up. Caffeine, energy drinks, jumping jacks(just kidding) are being done in order to punch some usefulness into brain cells. I would be willing to bet that nickel I just found that the first hour of Monday is spent deleting junk mail from your inbox. And Friday afternoons? Might as well, just consider Friday afternoon as a part of the weekend, because no one is doing product work then. Just use a delete key for Friday afternoon, because whether you like it or not, people have stopped working by then. And let’s just eliminate Tuesdays from the schedule altogether(because that is the worst part of the movie, I mean work week).
And how about the most annoying thing ever? Having to take a sick day from work when you are actually sick. Sick days are for going all Ferris Bueller for a day. Joining a parade, going to a Cubs game, wrecking your best friends Dad’s vintage Porsche. Not for coughing, sneezing, wheezing and huffing. Not for the nauseous, head splitting, pulse pounding sickness. Photoshop out those annoying little germs so we use our sick time for what it was meant for. When we run out of vacation. Or a second vacation after the vacation. Being actually sick is the worst reason to use a sick day.
So, what are the things in life that you need a little edit button for? A little Photoshopping for? What is a thing that needs a little tweaking(besides all the editing needed on this and all of my posts)? Let me know your bitter thoughts in the comments.
ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Editing Mistakes Ben