Only the most graceful…
…best dressed…
…and not creepy are invited.
It’s the Oscars weekend and you know what that means. Actually, I don’t, so if you know, can you tell me? Because I have no idea. I think it has something to do with some very wealthy and famous people, dressing up like it is prom and then nominating each other for the king and queen, most popular, best dressed, biggest drama queens and kings, and even throwing in awards for the AV club. Then afterwards partying like it’s 1999. Was that a big party year? As you know, the big event starts outside with the red carpet where the yearbook committee asks them questions, take pictures and judges them mercilessly. Then it moves it to the indoors, where the the pretend like it is a competition, but everyone always knows who’s going to win. And these people who are supposedly the best actors and actresses in the world, can’t seem to put together a speech that isn’t as boring as a drill, boring into the wall. Speaking of boring, here is this week’s bitter rivalry.
The outdoors are completely safe.
The outdoors – Something called fresh air. There is a variety of weather elements to choose from. From the sun, to the rain, to tornadoes, hurricanes, avalanches, and monsoons. There is potential for adventures, like walking, running, hiking, biking, parachuting, trees, oceans, mountains, amusements parks, white water rafting, to hunting, to getting hunted. There is the safety issue of the outdoors. A much bigger chance of dying, not living, getting sick, getting eaten by a bear, getting poison ivy, getting eaten by a shark, getting in a car accident. There is also the bigger potential of the internet not working. Electricity can kill.
The indoors are very dangerous.
The indoors – Something called air conditioning and heat. Always a degree of two from being just the right temperature. Variety of types of rooms. A place to eat, a place to live, a place to bath, a place to bed, a place to laundry, a cave like room to hide out and watch movies and games and nature and sports. Variety of venues. Houses, shacks, sheds, concerts halls, movie theaters, malls, sports arenas, work buildings, cars. Potential for many adventures. Adventures in babysitting, Netflix, sports adventures, movie nights, pillow forts, blanket forts, naps on couches, video games and movies taking you on adventures in your imaginations. Potential of dying from bear attacks, poison ivy, getting eaten by sharks, and car accidents much less. Potential of dying from diabetes, laundry and dish pile avalanches, pizza overdose, and boredom much higher. No electricity kills happiness.
So, whose side are you on? Is the lure of the outdoors too tempting for you despite all the dangers? Is the safety and comfort of the indoors too alluring for you despite the potential of it not giving you as fresh of air? Whose side are you on? The out or the in? Fight club it out in the comments. Just decide where the fight club should be. Indoor or out. And don’t forget to follow the second rule of fight club.
AARRRRGGGGHHHH
Bitter Door Fight Ben