Bitter Ben Presents: The First Annual Friday Gifture Slam Dunk Contest


Basketball season is back and bitter than ever.  The excitement is in the air.  Teams all still think they have a chance.  Teammates are getting to know each other and they are still trying to learn their new locker combinations.  Still talking about their crushes and what kind of homework they are getting from Coach. The Varsity squad with their varsity uniforms looking down on the bench players.  Cliques are being formed.  They can’t wait for the pep rally All-Star Game in early February.  Well, Ben’s Bitter Blog decided to host the Slam Dunk Contest early.  Unfortunately we couldn’t find the big stars, but we were able to come up with some dunkers in…other areas of life. Witness our supersized Friday Gifture post.

Let’s start with our friend Mario…

200 (19)

…with his 8 bit One Dimensional Dunk.  

I think our Friends….

...give Mario all 10's.

…give Mario all 10’s.

Next up I hear warehouse guy has all kind of potential…

...but I think he's reached his ceiling.

…but I think he’s reached his ceiling.

Let’s ask Emma Watson what she thinks…

...she also can't put it into words.

…she also can’t put it into words.

Our third contestant Skater Boi…

...we have Skater Boi.

…plans his gnarly grinder in your face dunk.

Christian Bale? What say ye?


“I haven’t seen anything like that since The Reign Man!”

We don’t discriminate around here. Next is up Folding Chair girl…


...with her Fall Classic dunk. 

Nap judge? What do you say?


He’s flipping out over here.

Next up…

well, you otter know.

…well, you otter know.

Whatta ya think, Kimmie…


…so…you liked it then?

Number 7, you da real MVP…


…of the dunk contest

You on board Napoleon?…

...he thinks you are Dynamite.

…was she good or was she Dynamite?

Ready for the most amazing dunk…


…that didn’t happen?

What do you think, guy from Breaking Bad?


…I guess there was a meth..od to his madness…

Here we found some actual NBA guys…


…to show us not how to do it.

So Picard, was it out of this world…


…or nah. 

 And our last contest on the Dunk is wrong…

...this guy who should be able to dunk in his sleep.

…this guy who should be able to dunk in his sleep.

What do you think Hercules, Son of Zeus? How would you rate that dunk on a scale of Disappointed to 10?



Thank you for joining us for Bitter Ben Presents: The First Annual Friday Gifture Slam Dunk Contest.  I hope you have been aghast, disappointed, bitter and left wanting for no more.  Keep nightmaring, practicing and honing your falling, tripping and awkward foray around the hoops and you too may some day be judged by the judgiest celebrities, mythic Gods, and fictional characters people ever to witness you misdeeds around the hoops.  Bitter Ben off.


Bitter Ben Presents: The First Annual Friday Gifture Slam Dunk Contest Ben


39 thoughts on “Bitter Ben Presents: The First Annual Friday Gifture Slam Dunk Contest

  1. Poor Sk8er Boi. He should probably stick to Sk8ing.
    That one girl throws a basketball just like I do. Thank goodness for soccer!


  2. Just did my pre-season college hoops post and I can safely say your basketball post is getting way more laughs…maybe that means my predictions are decent? Nah, more likely it is because these shots are super-sensational failures.


  3. I did not like this post because I found it to be misleading. You mentioned Coach in the first paragraph and then did not offer the contest details about how I might win one of their handbags. I am, as you hoped, aghast!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I really don’t like sports. I think you should take this into consideration when you are writing your many sports themed blogs and try to change it up a bit. Say, like adding the fall fashion series. You’re lucky I have these asinine pictures to look at in the meantime.


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