There have been lots of scourges in this world. Tornadoes, hurricanes, Godzilla, earthquakes, Justin Beiber, trillion dollars debts, Donald Trump, Donald Trump’s hair and even the summer holiday drought. But there is a secret scourge that hides in the shadows. One that haunts us everyday at work, in public buildings, in old dusty outhouses, in jails and even dark alleyways. Every day, in the worst years, in the worst days, worst hours and worst moments, this semi-silent menace to society haunts us at our lowest points; it is there for all our darkest internal tragedies.
This isn’t just any light. This is the fluorescent light. If you don’t believe me, just go and try to spell the word fluorescent without the aid of this post, Google or watching the National Spelling Bee(I sure couldn’t). It just isn’t spelled right.
Fluorescent lights have always been there for me…in sickness and in non-health, forsaking me and all others, till death do they part(actually they last past my death) They were there for my first nicked up, bloody shave. They were for my first, second, third, and every last zit. They were there for me when my dentist drilled my first cavity. They are there in the morning, rushing its unhealthy and unnatural light directly to my sad, vulnerable eyeballs. There are there at night, tucking my bad self esteem into bed. They were for my first lost hair, my first ear hair, my first grey hair. They have been my worst critic, stealing away every good thought I have of myself, there to over emphasize my every flaw.
The Fluorescent light bulb was there to shatter my confidence for my first day of school, there to ruin my first date, there to ruin homecoming and prom, there on my first day of college, and my first day on the job.
The Fluorescent light bulb is there in every dark corner, every dark alleyway, every barely lit jail, every insane asylum I’ve visited. Blinking like a liar being interviewed by Barbara Walters. Blinking like the television on the its last few seconds of life.
Buzzing like a mosquito hopped up on too much sugar. Buzzing louder than TMZ when a Kardashian scandal breaks. Buzzing louder than the movie industry around Oscar time. Buzzing like a busy bee, bitterly basking in its barricade. Buzzing like a light sabre fight between Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader, Yoda, Count Dooku, The Emperor, Darth Maul, and Obi Wan Kenobi.
And as much as they could be the foundation of a great light sabre fight, they lack two very essential elements that make a great light sabre. They only produce light when plugged in, and they break at the slightest touch.
And instead of helping the hero in his quest to track down the villain, it only serves to make the villain more menacing. How can the Dark Knight be the Dark Knight, when the glowing buzz of the light keeps blinking?
Menaces will come and go, but fluorescent light bulbs will always be there for you. Whenever you want to feel bitter.
Bitter Fluorescent Ben