Storage units are for when you have so much junk, you just can’t take having any more, so you rent a garage door, a lock and a security gate watched by someone 24/7 for $100 a month. As you probably know, I have a lot of junk, but I don’t like paying money to store things that are junk. What I like to do with it is THROW IT AWAY. Or give it some someone, sell it to someone, or let the earth do it’s job and biodegrade it (shame it into melting away).
Well, my brain is the storage unit for all my junky ideas and I’m tired of paying all the fees to store my leftovers there. Plus, I need the space. So on this Sunday, and possibly every other Sunday, I’m going to delete some junky ideas here, because this is my garbage dump, or my Ebay, depending on how much money you want to pay me for my ideas. Since you are all so cheap, you probably won’t even pony up for the $.30 listing fee and the shipping that I’m overcharging you for. So a bitter thanks for that.
1. I was watching Saturday Night Live last night (because it was Saturday) and it was hosted by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. It’s a good thing they added the Rock, because otherwise that would be the lamest name in show business.
2. Speaking of The Rock, I was curious about was how many times he has hosted. I guess it hasn’t been 5 yet, because then he would be in the 5-Timers club, which would have given him special privileges. I was thinking I should be a part of this blogs 5-Timer’s Club and be it’s only one, because no one else has posted on here more than once. I’m the King of This Blog! Give me privileges!
3. I was watching Shrek The Third last night and saw that Justin Timberlake was the voice for one of the characters. I was wondering why I was never asked to do voice acting, because I have a very distinct dull, bland uninteresting voice that would play well to the Shrek part.
4. Saw the Hunger Games: Mockingbird movie on Blu-Ray last night. The bitterness was running seriously thick and strong, until there was that one moment where Katniss was playing with the cat, and it totally ruined the bitterness.
5. Malls. I went to them a couple of times this weekend. I’m the kind that just likes to go to the mall and annoy people and not spend money. Unfortunately, I had to buy future garbage for a storage unit.
6. Coffee cups. I was thinking I should start making them with bitter saying on them. Because even though I don’t drink coffee, I hear it is bitter and no one is more bitter than me. And who wouldn’t buy a coffee cup with bitter sayings on it?
7. Pizza with Bacon. I didn’t have it this weekend and I want answers why not.
8. Truth or Dare? I’ve never understood why anyone would accept a dare. There is no money involved and why would I do something stupid for no reason at all except to “accept a dare”? And why would I ever want to tell the Truth?
9. Gates must be so bitter. First there was Watergate. Then there was Spygate, now there is DeflateGate. What is next, Bittergate? Why does everyone blame the gates? All they ever wanted to do was form a protective layer around a house. Or start Microsoft. Or become an actress with Christina and her Apple.
10. Started a gardening blog for April Fools Day and called it the Gardening Tool. Thinking Back, I should have called it Bitter Homes and Gardners. (You know, because my last name is Gardner.)
So I just formatted my brain drive and got rid of some junk. Now there is a lot more space for pizza and naps. Got any junkie ideas you want to get rid of? Leave them in the comment section. Just remember to leave the $.30 listing fee.
Bitter Storage Unit Ben