Bitter comments are a necessary part of this blog because it is a way that I can get down on a more personal level with the people. This is a way I can tell a person one on one why they in particular should be bitter and how I can mentor them in more bitter way. It’s also a way for crazy people to say stuff that makes no sense to me and for me to respond in an equally confusing and non meaningful way. Actually most of the comments are that way. But, it is a dialouge that is necessary for bitterness to grow. There were a lot of comments passed back and forth this year, and most of them went nowhere, like me in just about every aspect. But every once in a while some bloggers caught the vision of bitterness and became regular commenters/bitter enthusiasts and posted stuff that actually moved the bitter cause forward. Since this is not scientific or planned out, I will be leaving out people that should be considered, but that is okay, because that will cause them to be bitter next year and maybe do a bitter job of commenting.
Before I announce the “winner”, here are some people who didn’t win(maybe that makes them bitter or maybe it doesn’t, but let’s hope so).
Gibber, Erin Spelling and C Miller were all in the top 5 when it came to the amount of comments. They should get an award for being courageous enough to comment when they clearly had way bitter things to be doing. Like cleaning lint off a brush, or watching paint dry, or watching the dryer rotate for hours. Even so, no award for them. Maybe they will be given an invitation to the Bitter Hall of Fame someday though.
Alanna from White Girls Be Like – She came along about the middle of the year and became a pretty regular commenter. When she comments she usually has something bitter to relate and contributed more than just fluff. She has some bitterness and vents well, but she didn’t win. Here is an example of her not award winning comments:
In response to my Hybrid Kid’s Crap for Sale! post in August – “First off, I actually won one of those stupid mini pillow pets and I don’t know if it’s a shark or dolphin so I call it “Flip-Jaws.” One time I woke up gasping for air because it’s like Tempurpedic for your face. Secondly, I’m so deeply sorry that your have to watch Nickelodeon/Disney Channel/Whatever all day. I feel you on that one. It’s like, “Let’s go outside and play on your play-set thing which is awesome and I never had one” and they’re like, “Nah, I just wanna watch “Dog With a Blog”, and I’m all, “I have a blog too!” and they look at me like I’m the just the one that wipes their butts and makes them chicken nuggets. Got a little angry there for a second. I’m back now.”
Fits of Wit – Jamie Lynn – Always irreverent, always funny, slightly bitter. She also didn’t win.
In response to my post Crashing Into Friday Giftures:
“Like, humans have shark week conventions? Or are you saying sharks have conventions?
My imagination really wants the second one to be true. All the sharks gather at a panel where they listen to Jaws talk about how it was back in the day during filming…
The sharks from Sharknado sign autographs…
They have fried human on a stick for snacks…”
Marisa Bergen – over at Glorious Results of Misspent Youth – Almost always the first to like and comment. If you can beat her, you might be on the commenters of the year next year.
“Like you, I am a member of Stay Out of My Cubicle and Don’t Talk to Me(SOOMC&DTTM). Fortunately for us both, I don’t actually want to bond with you over this fact. Because when I say that I am “like you”, what I mean is being your friend would be about as fun as sticking bamboo splinters up my fingernails.”
Now, the winner (which you should feel bad for) of the Commenter of the Year trophy is Snow of Adorable Paintings. She doesn’t always comment, but when she does, she does so in rhyme. I’m not sure if she intends for it to be a rap song or a poem, but whatever it is, it is purely brilliant bitterness. You can tell that on the surface, she seems nice, but underneath she has a dark bitter soul. Not as dark as mine, but nobody’s soul is. My two favorite comments of all year are both hers. Not only because they are well thought out, but they have a lot of passive aggressiveness, which I completely agree with. Anyways, here is the winning comments from the winning commenter:
In response to my post The Bitter Realm Part 1:
“Oh Bitter Ben, you are such a muse
In the wrong line with so many clues
Your villainy should have been your first tip
Without having to listen to any Hero’s lip
The realm you are in is must be your real home
Only coming to Earth when needing to roam
To spread your bitterness both far and wide
With no place for any of us innocents to hide
So return to your realm or try a new game
To stay with the heroes seems rather lame
A sword and a shield will only confuse
And if you’re not careful, will cause you to lose ©
May the Bitter Force Be With You!”
And in response to my post The Bitter Truth about my Stats:
“Quit whining Better Ben
You know you can do it
If you expected our bitter tears
Then you really blew it
Most Bitterites do know
Those statistics aren’t true
But you having so many followers
Makes the rest of us Bitter Blue
You’ve worked mighty hard
As many of us do
Yet we have nothing to show
That’s as good as you do
So brighten up your bitter smile
Get on with your day
You’ve more bitter blogs to write
Just dry up those tears . . . okay?”
I imagine each time she wrote those she looked me dead in the eye, dropped the mic, turned and walked right off the stage, leaving me powerless to respond. I had no response…until now. By including her responses on my blog, I am now embarrasing her because what is worse than being featured on the bitterest blog on WordPress! And now, I drop the mic.
Bitter Commented Ben