Some people might know me as a person that works and does things and when I get the time, I watch television. The fact of the matter is that I’m not so much a really lazy person, but more of a semi-ambitious couch. I do get up on occasion to feed myself and check and see if my kids are still alive, but mostly I just pay about 98% attention to the TV and 2% to my kids mortality. Like a band aid from a really hairy arm, I need to be surgically removed from my couch to sleep, eat and work. It’s painful, it’s nasty and it is only done out of complete necessity. If it were possible to do all those other things from the couch by remote control (this is the future I am praying for) then I will someday just become 100% couch.
I love “idea” of television, the fact that you can sit in a comfortable chair and stare at a box of lights and pretty pictures and you don’t have to do a thing, but eat sugary snacks. I also love the picture of television (they are so HD these days you can almost feel the breeze from a show about Hawaii). The best of all is the social aspect. This is especially true of dudes or introverts. If there is a television on and people are around, you either have the buffer of the show you are watching, so you don’t have to say anything, or you can just make bitter witty comments about the program.
While the idea, picture and social aspects of television are key to making it my go to entertainment option, I have a big problem with television. The shows. I have had some must see programs that I would never miss, but they are screeching to a scary car crash halt. I used to literally(not literally) push an old lady in a walker down some steps and out of the way if she made a noise or got in the view of the television when I was watching Smallville, Chuck, Heroes, or Community. I know they aren’t your favorite show, snobby HBO, Showtime, AMC snobs, but they were my must watch TV shows. Deal with it.(Sorry, not sorry HBO, Showtime, or AMC snobs).
Now that all those shows are over and I have no replacements, I sometimes wonder why I watch television at all (besides the aforementioned reasons). Probably because there are other humans that live in my house that like to watch stuff, so I was just go with the flow, watching their
crap shows because I’m couch bound. Also I can write blog posts, check scores on basketball games or making really rude and bitter comments on other people’s blogs. But why do I get invested in some of the shows they were watching? Why do I actually look forward to watching programs that I don’t like?
Then it hit me. I like to watch TV now to trash it. You are either a creator or a destroyer right? So instead of creating my own TV show that would just get cancelled after two episodes, I make fun of other people’s shows that will be cancelled after two episodes. Or I make fun of the Kardashian’s and their nasally whining over their severe first world problems. Or I say, “You have to be joking!” every time I hear the newest, absurdest reality show premise that comes out that you think could never be topped in insane ludicriousity, until next week when a more absurd one comes out. This is why I keep watching TV. If I ever become invested in a show that I ACTUALLY like, I would have to pay attention, I would have to think and I would have to actually plan my life around a time when I could watch the DVR of it. And that just is not acceptable anymore. If I watch, I must mock. There can be no more favorite show. I can’t have anymore appointment TV. Or I would become bitter and “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”
Bitter TV Show Ben