Seattle is one of the few places in Western hemisphere where it can go a whole year without snow from October to April, but somehow hammer us with snow in May. When I first moved here 13 years ago and witnessed the phenomenon, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The worst part was the reaction from the rest of the people here. It was not the shock and awe like you would expect, but meh, like they were Kim Kardashian seeing yet another camera in her bathroom. It didn’t faze anyone AT ALL. I kept asking like a crazy person, “What is this? Why?” It isn’t the wet, flaky stuff that South Dakota is buried under for 5 months every year. It is these cottonwood trees that apparently get sunburned (the one day a year we get sun) and decide to shed their cotton skin, all over the ground. It never caused delays (that I know of), but I have literally (I try to use this word cautiously unlike most people) seen people with shovels getting this stuff off their driveways. I wouldn’t be surprised to see people going down a cottonwood mountain slope skiing, or walking outside their house and getting assaulted so fast by this stuff that they would have a Santa Clause beard. Yesterday, since I’m one of those window roller downer’s (cause soooome people don’t have air conditioning), I was getting assaulted by this cotton seed snow crap trying to flood my car and my nostrils. It is an insane thing that more people should be talking about, but no one does. This is a bitter annoyant and it needs to be exposed.
Speaking of exposing, this intrepid reporter of completely unrealistic world taking over news (me back in 1998) was busy exposing the world to something even worse than cotton snowstorms in May. The prospect of me, taking over the world. Just so you know, if I had succeeded, the world would still be bitter, the Bitter White House would still be a mess, there would be still be worldwide crises on a constant basis, and lots of naps would be taken…by me. So you would feel right at home. Except C-Span would just be video of me taking naps.
Before I lay down for my daily nap at my work desk, I present to you Ben Gardner Newsletter Vol. 3.
I would stay and discuss, but I have to go outside and clean my car from all the stupid snow.
Bitter Snow More Ben