Someone drew a picture of me at work.
It’s Friday again, which means I stop working at noon. But I need to get a head start, so I’ve actually stop working already. How else am I going to squeeze in an 8 hour nap or two? I’m actually pretty bitter that they made me show up at work at all. Really what I should have done is called in sick, but that would have been hard because I would have had to call and pretend to be sick. Some things are just so much work. In fact, talking about all this and writing all of this down is kind of tiring. Remind me to lay down as soon I finish this post.
I don’t ask for much. Just one thing. Okay maybe two, but under only 1 bullet point.
You know what would really speed up the process? Just getting my 1 wish from the genie of the lamp. According to Forbes, Bill Gates asked for this 70 times and got his wish granted. I guess it is all my fault because even though I have a Mac, I keep buying the Microsoft Office for Mac. If it wasn’t for everyone else using it, maybe I could just scratch things on a piece of paper. But no, everyone wants things communicated on a Word document. At we know that lazy people can get billions of dollars. Look at how lazy Bill was. He shortened all the names for his stuff.
What was supposed to be Microsoft Sentence was shortened to Word. And he couldn’t call his email program, Sending Out an Email. He had to shorten it to Outlook. And his spreadsheet program should have been called Excellent Way to be Bored, but he just shortened it to Excel. My favorite program of his is actually Microsoft Office Tools. There are a bunch of Office Tools around here that I like to write about when they call in sick and bother to talk to me and ask me to do something. Especially when I’ve already quit working for the day. Tools.
Who’s ready for a donut run? As I mentioned earlier this week, I don’t run, but I will accept a donut or 10.
There is something all my tool workers co-workers can do to make up for talking to me and assigning me work that I’m not going to avoid until Monday. They can make themselves useful and get me some donuts. I’m not picky about which ones. As long as they are chocolate and have creme in the middle, but not the bavarian creme kind, and there should be sprinkles on them. And they have to be at exactly 90 degrees so they will melt in my mouth. Oh and make sure they are those nasty day old ones. And any donut place is fine too, as long as it is Krispy Kreme. Oh and bring some milk. I’m hard at work getting ready for my nap. That is using my Tools wisely.
Bitter Friday to everyone. I hope you have at least one bitter tale to tell about how bitter your weekened is on Monday, because I have some work to avoid and I expect some bitter tales.
Arrggghhh
Bitter Friday Ben
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Ah, I love the idea of just plain stopping all work at noon on a Friday. In fact, everyday.
Loved the force field and billion dollars. Oh the bitterness – I’d like that too, especially the force field!
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I can arrange for you to have more bitterness. But about getting any of that million dollars or the force field, I’m not sharing.
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I don’t like donuts, but I have cheesecake. I don’t work yet, but I’m currently bitter about the homework I have to do today. It’s seriously cutting into my video game time. Grrr
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I’m the other way around. I do homework in between my video game breaks. Back when I did homework.
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Wonder that you don’t ask for gluten free, low fat, organic, french dressing donut 😉
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Because I don’t want any salad.
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Hahaha! I love only asking for one thing…maybe two, but under one bullet point 😀
I needed a good dose of bitter and donuts (not bitter donuts though). My day just got bitter better. You’re the bitter best!
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Well, I speak for the rest of WordPress when I say, we miss you. We are just glad you finally did a post. Don’t wait so long next time!
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I think you just made my life a BIT… better! Thank you, bitter Ben 🙂
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Keep writing and we’ll read. No matter how bitter it is, uh especially how bitter it is.
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yesterday (my Friday, because I live in the future) I finished ‘work’ (I add the air quote because the little I do could hardly qualify as actual work, but they haven’t caught on yet, so yay me) at 2pm but I’m bitter because my idiot boss kept calling me with pointless questions about sales and stuff and I had to keep zipping out of my house and sitting in the car to sound convincingly as if I was on the road. pppfft
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I hate it when on a Friday I have to have things up on my computer to make it look like I am working. Can’t bosses get smart enough to know that we clearly aren’t working on a Friday and just let us do whatever we want after lunch? It would just be so much easier.
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I am NOT kidding….chocolate-covered, creme-filled (Not the bavarian mess, but the stuff that’s made from lard and sugar) donuts from Krispy Kreme are my favorite food!!! During exams one semester back in the day I ate 12 of them one night…with in a diet coke.
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I think it is because they are so healthy. There is no easier, better way to get all your vitamins and nutrients than be eating a nice healthy donuts.
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I technically don’t even start work until Monday but post-grad life has already kind of lessened my will to live at this point. Like, wait, this is it? This is as good as it gets now?!
I can’t deal.
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It’s a bitter time after being done with college. I am still adjusting to it several years later.
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I actually took the day off since Cool was ill. I was home with Cool and G$ and had spanked G$ twice before 8:30am wishing I was at work. I was not at work and bitter. What’s up with that?
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It is a lot of work spanking kids that totally deserve it. I tell them to be good because I am too lazy to spank them.
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I am craving a donut now thanks to YOU! I was fine before with that bowl of cereal but now? I’m going to have to turn off the tv and drive across town to get a donut. Bitter? Very. It was a comfy couch…
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You have to drive across town to get a donut? Why don’t they deliver? We have one just up the street, but even that is a lot of effort.
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Yes, me too! But it’s even worse ‘cos I’m England which is not the home of excellent donuts…
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Well, I am going to start a donut shop, so whenever you feel like have a bitter donut or a donut that isn’t at all like you want, you can buy one from me.
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The Excel comment was very funny – mainly because it’s true!
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It is like staring at a bottomless abyss. It makes you fall asleep so Bill Gates can take your money.
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Ben I’m disappointed that you didn’t mention maple bars. They make good pillows too.
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The one description was just for me. I’m sure when you make the donut run, you can get yourself a maple bar. You’re welcome.
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Okay, but don’t be surprised if you see me on Dr. Drew trying to kick my maple bar addiction. . . .
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Then I could say that I knew someone famous on Dr. Drew.
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Oh! You know Dr. Drew?
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Maybe from top secret meetings with him that you shouldn’t know about.
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Oh that sounds interesting. . .
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Never mind you didn’t hear that.
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I’m calling Dr. Drew right now!! (Say, you wouldn’t happen to have his number would you? I won’t tell him where I got it.)
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It is 1-900-BitrBen. It is a totally toll full call and one in which you will get Dr. Drew’s real number if you are on for more than two hours.
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Ahahahaha! I’ll put it on my speed dial . . . not!
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It won’t cost you a dime. It is much more than that.
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You can’t possibly love to nap as much as I do. I live for naps!!! 🙂
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When I am taking naps, I dream about taking a nap about naps. I obsess over them.
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Yumm donuts!! Yes it Friday and my attention span is strictly focused on things that me me happy LOL dddoooonnnuuutttsss!!!!
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Donuts, pizza, naps, anything but work.
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Sounds perfect LOL
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I am still at work, but I am not working.
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What used to make me really bitter about work was when i was hired just to fill out some gov’t budget but they didn’t actually have any work to do, so i had to line up paperclips and parade them across my desk all day to look like i was busy. They should have just let me curl up in a corner and recover from reading all night… and then wake me up on Friday to hand me my paycheck.
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I have the opposite problem. I keep screwing up work all the time, but for some reason people giving me more to do.
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I’ve been here 40 minutes, completed one task, and I’m already exhausted.
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I’ve been here since three hours, haven’t completed any tasks and am already for my nap.
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