Sock Bitterness

Socks are the Mark Kate and Ashley of clothing.  They stink...at acting.

Socks are the Mary Kate and Ashley of clothing. They stink…at acting.

It has been said (by google) that only 1.9% of the world’s population are twins.  In my family, there are two sets.  My mother has a twin brother, (who by the way barely looks or acts like her) and my sister has a twin boy and girl.  (I call them neice and nephew, but you can call them whatever, as long as it is nice.)  Some twins (especially identical) spend their whole lives together and never seperate.  They go to the same college, have the same career and even marry other identical twins.  But most, eventually do other things and go their seperate ways.  Socks are the Mary Kate and Ashley of the clothing world.  Here’s a list of things they do that make me bitter:

Socks are always fighting about money and how much they should store inside...themselves?

Socks are always fighting about money and how much they should store inside…themselves?

Socks are always getting lost.  I’ve given them directions over and over again, even purchased them a GPS in order to get around, but no matter how hard I try, socks somehow get lost.  Sometimes one of them wants to stop at the gas station to ask for directions, but the other is too stubborn and thinks they have a natural sense of direction.  Other times they fight too much, or have different opinions on politics or they have fight about how much money should be saved (inside themselves.)

Socks are divas.  I don’t get my own room, but my socks get their own drawer.  And their own basket.  And the athletic socks get a separate drawer from dressy socks.  Next thing you know they are going to want a celebrity rider for their dressing room when they do their sock puppet show.  Just so you know socks, only kids like puppet shows and they barely like them.

Sock puppets are the Carrotop of socks.  Only funny to themselves.

Sock puppets are the Carrotop of socks. Only funny to themselves.

Socks are lazy and spoiled.  They only work about once every 3 weeks and on that day, they only work for about 8 hours.  Then, as soon as they get home from work, they get tossed in the bedroom where they can play all they want.  Then they get to have a party inside a washing machine where they get clean again and don’t have to work again for another three weeks.

Socks don’t listen.  I have the kind of feet that has toes that angle downward from the big toe down to the pinky toe.  My socks like to stay straight just to annoy me.  They like to bully my toes into bunching up.  My toes then shoot bitterness up to my brain.  My brain then tells my hands to pull my socks off, but my hands say no because they are busy working.

Socks like to absorb water.  They know that once they get wet they are going to stay wet and they are just going to annoy me so much that I will want to take them off, thus making their one day of work even shorter.

I hate when I get a little water on my socks.

I hate when I get a little water on my socks.

Just like the twins who are so close that they finish each others sentences, socks make me so bitter.

Arrrrrgggyyyylllll (this is update is brought to you courtesy of  the blog,  St. Sahm)

Bitter Ben

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54 thoughts on “Sock Bitterness

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  4. My socks cause a build up of black lint on my feet, so when I take them off, there are always a bunch of black specks left on the floor. My wife always freaks out when she first sees it thinking that they are insects. Naturally, I have no intention of stopping.

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  6. Hey now! It’s not the socks that are the problem…it’s the perception that they MUST be matched! How would you like to be told who you have to live with forever? I’m a mismatched sock advocate after years of living under the pressure of “the “man” to keep them together when some of them obviously don’t want to be! Loved this post.

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    • It is absolutely weird, but we welcome that over here at the bitter blog. At work I barely wear shoes and sometimes pull up my socks because they don’t fit right. So I am weird about them too.

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  7. It’s wonderful that you take up this issue. It’s a gravity subject. Think world should talk about more. Socks are a kind of barometer for changes. In my teenager years pondered over many things. I felt surpressed by the social dictate ‘wearing socks in the same colour’! Many years than, wore different socks. After a decade I started to feel surpressed by my own dictate, probably it was because aging – got vain then 🙂 Now have an other approach – buy socks with something colored on to distract my male housemates thiefing them, because their own mold single in sportbags, dust under the bed or other places I don’t like to know!

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    • I tackle the serious issues in this country. That is why I am featured in such places as wordpress and bensbitterblog. Though I haven’t made it on CNN or Good Morning America, those things are on the horizon.

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  8. I hate how socks get folded into those weird balls. …Though I guess that has less to do with socks and more to do with whoever’s doing laundry. But I hate that it’s even POSSIBLE for them to be folded that way.

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  9. Having wet socks is one of my ultimate pet peeves. I’m glad I’m not the only one. Also… when the bathroom floor is wet because someone decided they’d rather not dry off inside the tub and wipe their feet before stepping out (how dare they!) I get rather upset because that’s all ya need and then BAM wet sock syndrome. THE WORST!

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  10. Socks totally are divas. My problem right now is that i keep cutting the toes of all of my socks to make them into sock buns for my hair. Then when I go to pull out a pair, one is toeless. I know that this is my fault, but I still like to blame it on the socks.

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  11. HAAhaa! I lose so many socks, but only one at a time and I end up lots of mismatched pairs of socks. I try to hide their mismatched identity with my shoes and pants, but, it doesn’t always work out so well. That does make me bitter! 😀

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    • If you think about it, most people don’t look at your shoes(I learned that from Shawshank Redemption), and by extension your socks. I would probably be able to wear a pair of green and black socks and no one would even notice. Of course, girls wear shoes that people notice, so glad that I am a guy.

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  12. 100% AGREE!! I am weird though, from April – October I HAVE to be in socks (I blame Cold Canada). There is nothing worse than either a) losing one of your favourite socks.. B) getting them wet and then you are cold ALL day.. C) they just suck.

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  13. Bitter Ben, you are so right about socks! Mine are so lazy that they are always sagging into my shoes leaving my ankles to freeze on cold days. If they have a little elastic, then they turn that against me, constricting my ankles so that I have weird lines around my ankles when I remove them. My feet do not like to look like socks once the socks have gone to play in the hamper. You are so wise to have figured out how like those TV twins socks are. Did you see how they have changed their haircolors and one has puffed up her lips in the photo you posted? I hate it when a black sock decides to fade to gray and ceases to match its twin! I think you have opened my eyes to new levels of bitterness. I’d be bitter about that except that you are already so good at bitterness that I can only appreciate the skill. Thanks!

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