Mall bitterness

Malls make me so bitter.  What about malls could possibly make me so bitter? It couldn’t be the fact that I have to walk in order to get to stores.  I mean really, if I wanted to walk I would go on a treadmill.  And who would want to walk on a treadmill?  Treadmills are like most jobs.  You do all this work and you don’t get anywhere.  Arrghh.  I mean why do you think that remote controls were invented?  So you don’t have to walk.  So you can shop for stuff without having to leave the couch.  Now malls come along and offer you this great deal.  You can have all kinds of stores to choose from all located in the same place! The problem is that 99% of the stores are clothes and shoes.  The other 10% are weird stores that sell crap that looks like it was found in a garbage can and repackaged.  So that leaves how many stores that you want to visit? Uh one.  So I go to a mall that has a hundred stores and only one I want to go to?  Reminds me of having cable with hundreds of channels and I can’t find one good show.  Which sounds like a waste and that makes me bitter.  And why do we have to have the kiosks in the middle?  So sad depressed people can man the tiny little space that hold even more junk that either we don’t want or don’t need.  Do we really need some bored kid sitting on a chair that is too busy texting to tell us about the Pillow Pet?  Why don’t they just leave an ATM machine next to the kiosk that gives you a passcode to unlock the vending machine that holds the Pillow Pet?  I guess by hiring someone to sit there you have created a future bitter person, so maybe it is working out.  What makes me bitter is that I didn’t think of it first.  I want to be the one that makes everyone bitter, not some tiny kiosk.  I’m also bitter that it gives teenagers that work there another reason to text, plus they get paid.  And then they don’t ever want to work in retail.  And what about these super annoying people that try to sell you stuff.  I think they call them sales people.  I mean, do they think I came to the mall to buy something?  No I came to look at stuff I can’t afford and look at other people that are bitter and make happy people that aren’t bitter moreso.  Another thing about malls that make me bitter is the people that want you to take surveys.  I mean don’t they know that all my responses to their questions like, “When you view this movie trailer, do you Really like, Mostly like, Somewhat like, somewhat dislike, or extremely dislike,” is always going to be Extremely Dislike?  I mean when is the last time you saw a movie trailer that made you want to see a movie?  I can’t remember.  All movie trailers take all the most boring parts and try to entice you that way.  I, for one, wish they would just stop doing trailers and just say something like “It has explosions in it!”  I would certainly would go to a movie that was advertised that way.  The worst part of a mall is that you have to pay money if you want stuff.  Agravating!  Arggghhh!

Bitter Ben


6 thoughts on “Mall bitterness

  1. I’m not sure if I am to follow along with or stand on the side lookin’ in on your bitter alter ego?!?! It’s like you’re channeling some crabby sour balls 73 year old man. With the option to shop and order stuff online…which gets people to bring it to your front door… oh wait…. that’s a future Bitter Ben segment… being forced to walk to your front door to sign for your UPS or Amazon package. I think you should direct your bitterness towards whomever or whatever forced you to go to a mall… or maybe just turn in on yourself… and be bitter at Bitter Ben for choosing to go to a mall in the first place….ha ha ha….. I think we should name your bitter alter ego = Grandpa Sour Balls!!!!


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