I've never been good at remembering words in a sequence. When it comes to singing along to a song, I can belt out a chorus, but as soon as the lyrics come, I'm mumbling some new words that never existed. When I was in 3rd grade, I was forced to have a part in a … Continue reading Background Character Energy BFG’s
Humor
Roller Coaster Ride BFG’s
Have you ever felt like you were supposed to have grown up in a different family, a different era, or city, and you were just soooo close to being in that one era, but just like in some romantic comedy, you keep just missing that opportunity that would have made you rich, or that one … Continue reading Roller Coaster Ride BFG’s
Family Text Chain BFG’s
My kids will never know a world where texting doesn't exist. The first time I tried to text was a pretty awful experience. I had the basic-est of phones, a silver, rectangular Nokia that only had a tiny screen and a number pad. People kept telling me that you could type words that made sentences … Continue reading Family Text Chain BFG’s
Hacking Into Prison BFG’s
I've always tried my best to stay out of prison. I'm claustrophobic, for goodness sakes. I can't possibly imagine having to spend all my time in a 6 ft. X 8 ft. room for most of the day. Also, I'm an introvert. If I was forced to speak to people all the time, like having … Continue reading Hacking Into Prison BFG’s
Geek Mythology BFG’s
Believe it or not, when I was in 5th grade, I was a painfully shy, awkward mess of a person with only 1 or 2 friends. I wore sweatpants most days to school that I pulled up way too far. I didn't wear glasses, but if I did I would've looked like Urkel. I was … Continue reading Geek Mythology BFG’s
Bitter Bubble Boy BFG’s
Call me Bitter Bubble Boy. I reside in the small comfort zone of the 10-minute, 4 mile area between my house and work. Back in Seattle in my early 30's, I had a 30-minute-to-work-45-minute-home commute. That got extended when my office decided to move even farther away, which turned into a 45-minute-to-work-1-hour-to-get-home. I decided that … Continue reading Bitter Bubble Boy BFG’s
Chapter 11 BFG’s
I don't know if many people know this, but I've been writing a book for about 20 years now, and when it is published, it will change the industry. First, I will self-publish, and I'll sell a couple copies to my parents, make my kids buy it (for all the misery they've caused me) and … Continue reading Chapter 11 BFG’s
Join My Cult BFG’s
I've had a long and storied history with Netflix. Unlike my kids, I was born before the existence of Netflix. The only way I was able to watch movies was in a theater. Technology moved fast though and as I grew up, Blockbuster and other video stores allowed us to rent movies after they came … Continue reading Join My Cult BFG’s
The Bitter Holiday Committee BFG’s
The days are getting darker and darker, which as you know, means that it is almost Christmas. The celebration of the birth of Jesus. Which is funny because we know he wasn't actually born in December. He was actually born in the spring. The reason why the Holiday Committee moved Christmas to December is because … Continue reading The Bitter Holiday Committee BFG’s
Hey Chat BFG’s
The other day when I was doing my early-morning, freezing-in-the-dark-and-cold jog/walking, I was reminiscing about and accomplishment that Tim Duncan, who is one of the All-Time Great NBA players, achieved. He won NBA titles in three different decades. His first one was in 1999, he got three more in the 00's, and then he got … Continue reading Hey Chat BFG’s
It’s Manatee Madness Month BFG’s
Every year since I've started to write, there's been this NaNoWriMO thing hovering over me, telling me to write 50,000 words in a month. As much fun as it sounds to write that many words, (which I might actually do with my blog and book combined), I don't know how in the world they expect … Continue reading It’s Manatee Madness Month BFG’s
Cluster Bombs
The biggest reason for bitterness of all time is traffic. I'm so bitter that I've spent 25% of my life sitting in a slow-moving, four-wheel metal container for hours next to raging psychopaths that were one accident removed from going Simpson's Road Rage on someone. It's a dangerous place out there, and one I've spent … Continue reading Cluster Bombs
Keystone BFG’s
When I was 21 years old, I just got home from serving a mission for my church, and I was looking for a summer job, so I could have some money for college. I didn't want to work at Little Caesar's for the minimum wage of $2.75 anymore, so I found a job at a … Continue reading Keystone BFG’s
Game Hooks BFG’s
Last night was probably the best Halloween ever. After work, I went home expecting to have to hand out free candy to a bunch of brats that didn't deserve it. I heard the first doorbell ring of the night, and my wife was on the phone. She quickly told me that she didn't buy any … Continue reading Game Hooks BFG’s
I’m walking for President BFG’s
I've never been a big Halloween guy. Even the best part about Halloween, the candy, was ruined by Halloween. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Before Halloween, the world was filled with full sized candy bars as far as the eye could see. But then Halloween got this horrible idea to ruin candy, by … Continue reading I’m walking for President BFG’s
ASMR Bitterness
I like to call October, November and December the holiday quadrant of the year. Many believe that September is the beginning of it all, because some people start decorating for Halloween in September. Every month in the holiday quadrant has a major holiday that people start celebrating extra early for, starting with Halloween, transitioning to … Continue reading ASMR Bitterness
Landlord BFG’s
My son had a pretty great game last night in his football game. He plays defensive end which means that he is supposed to eat quarterbacks for breakfast. I wish he would eat more quarterbacks for breakfast, because then he wouldn't eat out as much at expensive fast-food places. His team was losing most of … Continue reading Landlord BFG’s
Live Streaming BFG’s
I'm going to sound like a bitter old man here, which I am, but back in my day, when we wanted to the whole world to see us, to be famous, we had to get famous by getting on TV or making it big on the radio. To get famous enough to be on TV, … Continue reading Live Streaming BFG’s
Skill Tree BFG’s
Even though I lived in Seattle for 15 years, I never became a big fan of trees. I've certainly never hugged one like most of the people there did. Yes, I'm fully aware that trees provide oxygen, they store our carbon dioxide and are a big part of the lore of forests. I'm also aware … Continue reading Skill Tree BFG’s
Transfer Portal BFG’s
At this very moment I'm planning my escape from work early by pulling the fire alarm. My son's football game is two hours away (if there is no traffic), so I need to leave early. Alternatively, I might also just email my boss and ask if I can leave early. I haven't decided yet. My … Continue reading Transfer Portal BFG’s
Ben's Bitter Blog 