As possibly the laziest guy on earth, who also wants to be rich and famous, the ultimate goal for me is to get "internet famous". To me, that means I have enough followers so I can make money off of all these suckers, but still be able to be pretty anonymous when I decide to … Continue reading Feature Me Bitterness
Decorating with Bitter Friday Giftures
My wife and I were in charge of the decorating for our church Christmas party this last week, which means my wife was in charge and I helped. Let me tell you how hard it is to watch her wrap presents for a centerpiece, string up strands and more strands of stockings, wrap certain … Continue reading Decorating with Bitter Friday Giftures
Looking like a Turkey Bitter Friday Giftures
Today is one of the days that you either dread or love. It seems like there is no in-between. If you happen to work at Walmart, Target, Amazon, or another megastore, I assume you've been dreading this day, neh, season for some time now. You finished your turkey and then said, "Off to work … Continue reading Looking like a Turkey Bitter Friday Giftures
Alexa and Google
My daughter is always making sure that I'm up to date on the latest memes, though occasionally I find some of the older ones a lot funnier. One of my favorites of all time is the following: "This is my job. It's soda pressing." I don't know if this next one is a meme, … Continue reading Alexa and Google
Dreams Coming True Bitter Friday Giftures
Many people talk about their dreams coming true. Someone just got their dream job. Another met their dream man or woman. Someone else is going on a dream vacation. On the other hand, I do all those things. Except then I wake up. Most of the time, life is a bunch of days that … Continue reading Dreams Coming True Bitter Friday Giftures
Eggcellent Bitter Friday Giftures
I've been on a bitter diet lately, because my doctor told me I had to. I don't know why doctors are always telling you such bitter news. You complain about one little thing (my knees, my back, my shoulder, can't sleep, tired all the time, can't make it up the stairs without breathing heavily, … Continue reading Eggcellent Bitter Friday Giftures
Silent Treatment
A lot of people have anxiety about relationships. I get it too. I was once at an age where my whole life hinged on everything from will a girl look back at me, to will a girl ever talk to me, to will a girl ever go on a date with me, etc. It seemed … Continue reading Silent Treatment
Headphones Friday Bitter Giftures
Sometimes, I wonder if the greatest invention ever for an introvert has already been invented. They have been with me through all the bitter trials in my life. They've helped me ignore concourses of overwhelming extroverts, helped me look busy and focused at work, and given me excuses for not hearing what important people … Continue reading Headphones Friday Bitter Giftures
What does your work computer do on weekends?
I guess there are some people out there that love work so much, that they work weekends, even though they don't have to. I should know. My wife watches Hallmark movies, and that is the MO of every single bad boyfriend on that network. There are only 3 script types at Hallmark. Script number 1B … Continue reading What does your work computer do on weekends?
DNA Test Bitterness
When I was a sophomore in high school, we had to take Biology. I couldn't stand my teacher, because he was a pig before the #metoo movement started, but also he wasn't very good at teaching. I remember him talking about the weirdest things like you should change your deodorant often because the glands under … Continue reading DNA Test Bitterness
Running on a Treadmill Bitter Friday Giftures
Whatever you do, don't go to the doctor. You think you are just going there for a routine check or to get some pills so they can just easily cure you. Turns out that isn't the case. They grilled me about everything that was wrong with me, and boy was there everything wrong with … Continue reading Running on a Treadmill Bitter Friday Giftures
Weening off Bitter Friday Giftures
I've never been big into using long names for people. I've always been a nickname person. For each of my siblings, my wife and kids - I have nicknames for all of them. Who needs to call someone their long name? That requires so much effort. I even go by my short name. Can … Continue reading Weening off Bitter Friday Giftures
Mustard Seed Bitterness
I'm a very picky eater. I don't know if it was because when I was growing up, I really just liked peanut butter sandwiches, and cereal and no one ever forced me to try anything new, or if it was my tongue that exclusively likes the bitter taste. I'm pretty much like Mikey from the … Continue reading Mustard Seed Bitterness
Editing Bitterness
via GIPHY I've been doing a whole lot of editing lately, and not of the written word. I'm really bad at that, even though my wife thinks I'm really good at it. She always makes me edit my kid's papers. The problem is that their teachers start to believe that my kids are … Continue reading Editing Bitterness
Spooky Story Bitter Friday Giftures
I've never been big into the spooky part of Halloween. I will occasionally visit a haunted house or watch a scary movie, but they don't really define the season for me. It isn't those corn mazes or pumpkins that seem to pop up overnight in every field, henhouse, doghouse, and backyard. It isn't the … Continue reading Spooky Story Bitter Friday Giftures
Free Time Bitter Friday Giftures
When you are younger all you want is for people to pay attention to you. Feed me, cuddle me, give me toys, take me to the park. When you get older and can feed yourself, get all the cuddling you can handle from your kids, get all the toys you really want, and can't … Continue reading Free Time Bitter Friday Giftures
Got any games on your Phone Bitterness
My kids are always alerting me of the latest memes, as if I wasn't 100% in on all of them. Honestly, I think my kids speak meme, because 90% of what comes out of their mouths refer to some meme or another. I try to be in the know so I can talk to them, … Continue reading Got any games on your Phone Bitterness
Car Investigative Report Bitter Friday Giftures
When we wake up to get ready for school/work, we turn on the news. I despise most news because it is all just a bunch of politics and bad news about murder and court appearances and such. But every once in a while, a news story comes along where you can just make fun … Continue reading Car Investigative Report Bitter Friday Giftures
Hardest Working Appliance
I assume all of you have seen Toy Story before, so I hope I'm not spoiling it all for you. In it, they answer the question, "What do my toys do when no one is around?" Then there are those Secret Lives of Pets movies that explore a similar question. "What do my pets do … Continue reading Hardest Working Appliance
Harry Bitter Friday Giftures
I was watching Harry Potter last night and it reminded me of something spooky. No, not witches and wizards or Horcruxes or Voldemort. It reminded me of something I did just yesterday. I didn't like my haircut, so I fixed it myself. My hair is already bad enough, but then letting myself hack it … Continue reading Harry Bitter Friday Giftures
