When I was in college, I used to love movies. I would go to at least 3 or 4 a month. They weren’t as expensive back then, and I never fell for expensive popcorn or candy trick. I even used to work in a theater, so I got to see free movies (and get free popcorn) all the time. I would even read Entertainment Weekly every week to see who “won” the box office. There was always some new movie that was breaking records, and the special effects got bigger and better all the time. Then all of a sudden, they peaked, and I didn’t like going to them anymore.

I know exactly when they peaked.

It was December 2019. Disney was dominating the world, with their cruises, theme parks and movies setting all kinds of records. Captain Marvel and Avenger’s End Game had set all kinds of records and Star Wars was about to come out with Rise of the Skywalker, that they were expecting to do a lot, but Disney was so cocky they didn’t even need for it to do well, because they were going to break records anyways. They even had Disney + that was coming out and they just knew that everyone NEEDED to have it. They were such a juggernaut, that all the companies thought Disney was going to buy them and take over everything. We all feared that we would be forced to become mice and work in their film factories.

Then, a tiny little thing happened a few months later. Remember…March 2020? I do, because I was sitting in an empty movie theater, watching a little-known Vin Diesel movie called Bloodshot. The reason why? Because as I accurately predicted that it would be my last chance to watch a movie in a theater for some time.

The darkest of Friday the 13th’s came that day when the world announced a pandemic, that would last us 6 months to 2 years, depending on where you lived. The next time I saw a movie in the theater was December of that year, and the rules were still pretty sketchy and being able to go.

In the meantime, Disney was being destroyed on all fronts. Cruises and Disneyland’s were shut down, movies were closed and all Disney had was Disney + and even that was struggling.

And I was all for it. I’ve never been a big fan of Disney, but I am a huge fan of schadenfreude. I enjoy when my enemy Disney suffers. Disney got so full of itself, it was thinking about buying Netflix, just because it could. They thought they were all mighty. All it took to defeat THE MOUSE HOUSE was a tiny little disease.

That, my bitter people, was the beginning of the end, not only for Disney, but movies in general. They just haven’t figured it out yet.

As you probably don’t know or care, the Academy Awards, or Oscars for short, are this Sunday. If I didn’t just hear a thing on the radio, I probably wouldn’t have known at all. I used to be all in on the show. They would have a really funny host, the movies would be ones that we had actually seen, and they weren’t bland affairs that lasted 14 hours.

Now, the Oscars suck. Hollywood took six months off last year for strikes, and I hardly even noticed or cared.

I’m just glad I wasn’t a writer for movies, although if they wanted me to cross the picket line and write some crappy scripts, I would have in a jiffy. They wouldn’t have even noticed a downgrade in quality, because my crappy writing is just as good as any Hollywood writer right now.

That is not to say that I don’t care about ALL awards shows. In fact, I am very excited to announce that I have received the most prestigious award ever for this very blog.

I have received a Dundie. That’s right. You heard it here first. This is a Dundie Award winning blog. This week, in the Chili’s in Scranton, PA, I will receive my award from the one and only and best host of the Dundies, Michael Gary Scott, who will present me with the award.

I am prepared to walk the red and yellow carpet, wearing my finest casual work attire of jeans and a hoodie in order to receive my award. They will be broadcasting this award live on Chili’s security camera. You might even see it live on Jim Halpert’s Instagram live and Michael Scott is in talks to see if YouTube will come down and film it.

It’s going to be a wild time. I know Pam will not be able to make it, because she’s been banned from all Chili’s in the Scranton area, though I think she might have just been reinstated, so who knows, it could be a night of crazy surprises.

Stanely will be either bringing his wife, or one of his mistresses, no one ever really knows. Dwight will be there to make sure that the sound system goes off with many hitches. I just hope that no one else in the Chili’s tries to interrupt the show, because that is just rude.

It’s been quite a whirlwind since I found out yesterday that I would be getting a Dundie. Congratulations have been pouring in from people, like my mom and one’s of other people. It’s been overwhelming the amount of dissport people have given me. I plan on watching the show from my couch through Jim’s Instagram feed. I hope they understand how I couldn’t possibly make it to Chili’s to accept my award, because I can’t really afford such fancy dining. I was really sad to not be able to go, because I heard the swag bag was off the chains this year. Rumors have been circulating that it includes a Dunder Mifflin keychain and some pens, and possibly even a Sabre Pyramid. Wi-fi is coming in 2025.

I’ve been on Cloud 2 since I heard the announcement, so you can imagine how excited I will be when I get the award in my hands. I will proudly display it in my basement, buried between the books and the clothes piles.

People are facing a difficult decision this weekend having to decide between the Oscars and Oscar Martinez, but answer me this. Would you rather get dressed up, have to navigate the maze known as the red carpet, sit for four hours with nothing to eat so you can watch the Oscars, or wear a hoodie and jeans and get to eat some delicious food at Chili’s, paid for by you of course, and see me get a Dundie. I think the choice is clear.

I’ll see none of you at the Dundies this weekend. Now, on to some Dundie-Award winning Bitter Friday Giftures…

I used to love to go to movies…

Somehow, I was able to avoid…

I would even read Entertainment Weekly…

For me though, movies peaked in 2019…

But Disney got a little too…

But the pandemic came along…

Disney used to make movies…

But the Academy Awards…

On the other hand, the Dundies…

As you just heard above…

Although Toby has sullied the awards this year…

I don’t plan on making a big deal of the award…

Unlike Michael Scott…

I will humbly display my Dundie award…

ARRRGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Dundie Award Winning Blog Ben