Bitter Magnetic Forces

/ bensbitterblog

Lifting cars in the air.

Yesterday as I was driving home, my powerful little Dodge Caliber with its V-4 engine and it top 0-59 speed of 10 minutes was being bullied. There were high winds in the area, gusts up to 60 miles an hour. I don’t know if you are familiar with how fast 60 miles an hour is, but my Dodge Caliber doesn’t. I think I clocked him(I think its a him)  at 59 once, but that was when a horse and buggy behind me was tailgating me and I felt a little pressured. Luckily most of the time traffic is at a standstill, so we don’t have to drive at top speed very often.

The wind almost lifted several Smart Cars and a few Geo Storms of the ground on our way home. I also think I saw a few cows swirling in the air.

Also some cows.

Just so you know, wind is a powerful force. It can come out of people’s mouth really hot, and well kind of exaggerated. There are other powerful forces in the universe too.

I experienced one the other day. I was with my wife, shopping in WalMart for a dohicky or something that we needed to clean something. I was bitterly commenting about something in the store and my wife was trying to ignore my bitterness as always so she could keep her sanity, and all of a sudden I felt a powerful force. You are probably familiar with this force.

If you have two very powerful magnets, one with a plus side and another with a minus side, the two forces come together. Well, I don’t know how I ended up getting seperated with my wife, but I somehow ended up in the Electronics department. All of a sudden, I was looking at video games and massive TV’s and all kinds of things related to gadgets that I needed to try.

I spent 25 minutes trying to pull my way out of the department to try to find my wife, but it wasn’t happening. I couldn’t pull my eyes off the magnetic 4K televisions and myriad of colors blasting my cortexes. Believe me, I tried faintly to get away, but it wasn’t working.

This guy must have been in the electronics department trying to pull me in.

The only way I could resist this powerful electronics department magnetic force was when my wife pulled me to the safety of the boring rest of the store.

Thank goodness for her bringing me back to the realities, because my hand was also getting pulled in the direction of my wallet toward my credit cards so I could pay for all those things.

Good thing my wife takes care of all that money, so I don’t have to spend any of it.

That would be horrible.

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Magnetically Charged Hands Ben

14 thoughts on “Bitter Magnetic Forces”

  1. Oh my goodness, with bitter sweet revelations. Your best post ever dude!
    I myself cannot drive past a music store because they have those darn magnets at full strength.
    And yesterday through the evening we had 50 mph winds too, and a trace of snow.
    Weird to have a 76* and a 71*, and then turn around and snow. Today we may not break 50* as the clouds are being their bitter self, and not letting the sun through.
    Have a wonderfully bitter day.

    Like

    Reply

  2. I know exactly what you mean. It’s like when I’m trying to shop for healthy groceries, but then I get sucked in by the powerful magnetic forces of the black licorice Jelly Belly candy bin. Ack! I try so hard to cut back on sugar, but those black Jelly Bellies with their sweet, licorice-y deliciousness…the pull is irresistible. You’re lucky you have a great wife who pulls you out of the vortex. The rest of us are doomed.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. haha! Very good post, Ben. You are blessed indeed to be married to someone who can put up the . . . er . . . anti-bitterness shields. I like to visit the electronics dept too but there always seems to be a disgruntled customer discussing (yelling) a transaction with an associate there. The magnetic force, of which you speak, then pulls me towards hardware.

    Like

    Reply

  5. we all feel the pull of that magnetic force. I “need” a 75 inch 4K television only when displayed at COSTCO or Target. But when I shop with my wife, she helps we with the mantra, “maintain eye contact…. focus!” Unless she is pulled to look at the clothing rack….or to the Starbucks that now is in every store. Hope they never have one in AutoZone. then women will start coming with their men to help them make “wise” purchases…..

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Your Bitter Comments

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.