Kohl’s Cash is the Devil

/ bensbitterblog

A picture of how my money moves.

There has been a lot of talk about money in the news lately. At least I think so, because I don’t really have the news on TV, so everything I get is from Youtube, Facebook, Twitter, Wikipedia, and Ben’s Bitter Blog. I guess BitterCoin is a thing making headlines for all the money it seems to be making people. There was an article yesterday on the BBB and it was about Interest and how it seems to be waning, not only in checking accounts, but in that particular blog.

So, I can’t seem to get enough. Money that is. One of the really disturbing trends is this new form of money called Kohl’s cash? Or is it Kohl’s Kash? Kardashian Kash? I don’t know, but from what I hear it is a really disturbing kind of money that is pretty worthless.

My wife introduced it to me last year. So how it works is you go to this store called Kohl’s. There are many things you can buy in the store, though many of them are useless. Things like clothes, jewelry, shoes, some electrical appliances, and I guess vacuums or something? Anyways, when you actually purchase something you get this piece of money in return. It’s called Kohl’s cash. It is a useless form of money, because you can’t use it at a grocery store, you can’t buy anything with it online, you can’t put it in a bank, or pay your babysitter with it. You can only use it at Kohl’s.

It’s raining Kohl’s cash down in here!

They worst part about it, is that it expires. I don’t know about you, but no form of cash I’ve ever heard of expires. It doesn’t go bad, you can use it forever.  So after all you buy just about every piece of useless junk you can possibly buy from Kohl’s, you then have to come back another day to buy even more useless junk to for this Kash to be useful at all.

The best part is that it has no restrictions on what can be purchased with it…other than these exceptions. Nike, Adidas, And1, Pandora jewlery, Xbox, Playstation, Nintendo, Reebok, hardware, software, food, clothes, appliances, handware, footware, winter items, summer items, gum, leather goods, fake leather goods, sweaters, jackets, socks, shoes, boots, greeting cards, postcards, cars, car accessories, gift cards, or other items.

Thankfully there are no restrictions. So you have to search the store like you are on a scavenger hunt to find the one item that you are allowed to use it all on, only to realize that restriction changed 3 minutes ago, and you have five minutes to use it before the Kash expires. You finally find the item, spend 30 minutes at the register getting the kashier to figure it out, get ready to check out vowing to never come back to the store, when the kashier tells you that you’ve earned $5 in Kohl’s Kash. “Don’t forget to come back before it expires next week!”

It’s a lovely economy we live in, where all kinds of useless money exists. I just hope they don’t pay me in my new job in Kohl’s kash, or I’m screwed.

ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Kohl Kash Poor Ben

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44 thoughts on “Kohl’s Cash is the Devil”

  4. Yeah, other stores are trying this ploy too. You bought a ton of our stuff? Great – here’s incentive to come back and do it again and again and again until you die. No thanks.

    But thanks for the warning about Kohls – haven’t gone there. Good reason not to start now.

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  6. If you think that’s bad you should see the coupons Ulta sends out to its most loyal customers. We get coupons that are good for about 3 weeks, offer either a 10% discount or $3.50 off, and can’t be used on the good expensive make-up. Just the regular drug store make-up that’s actually less expensive anywhere that isn’t Ulta. Some bull.

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  8. Here in Canada, we have Canadian Tire money (CTM). It looks like monopoly money a bit, and what is more, it FEELS like cash. Canadian Tire is a bit like Fred Meyer or Kohl’s, I suppose. Their specialty is tires, of course, but it is where you can by all your hockey equipment, kayaks and other less important stuff. CT is as ubiquitous as Tim Horton’s and a recent bid to discontinue the distribution of CTM was met with a nationwide howl of displeasure. It still abides, like the Dude. I always donate my CTM bc I always mistake it for real cash, which is scarce in my wallet. Nice post Ben!

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  11. You can use Kohls cash online at Kohls 😉 Also, if your Kohls cash expires ask the cashier ( if they won’t just give it to you) to call an ASM or a manager to do what they call a “Yes, we can!” And BOOM you can use that expired Kohls cash.

    I was the supervisor of Loss Prevention for Kohls at one time and I was amazed at the stuff they let consumers get away with… You would think they’d go broke.

    Back in 2010-2011 when a lot of other retailers were struggling and/or closing their doors, Kohls was busy building new stores all over the country.

    I guess they’re doing something right 🤷🏼‍♀️

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  12. It didn’t used to expire!! Or at least they didn’t use to check the date. It makes me so sad because I am not trying to go into Kohl’s and buy fuzzy socks that I don’t need, or adorable clothes for my nieces that they don’t need more than once every few months.

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  14. Dear Bitter Ben:
    Don’t invest in BitCoin, it’s gonna crash, my sources say. P.S. This is hilarious, and my husband HATES THE MOTHER LOVING KOHLS CASH WITH A PASSION THAT HASN’T BEEN SEEN SINCE THE FIRST MOONWALK. 🙂

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