Not Savage, but Average

Look at me, kids, I’m cool.

I am always keeping up with most of the new words kids are saying. Don’t ask me how, but I used to keep up with the ones when I was a youth by listening to rap music. Now that I’m old though, my daughter bans me from saying anything that is the cool thing to say, so I can only use them when she is out of earshot.

My wife doesn’t really keep up, so she is always asking me about them, so she doesn’t feel silly. For instance, she was asking about fleek. Except when she said it, she pronounced it fleck.  My daughter and I both laughed at her for that. I guess what you could say is that I am kind of a translator of the words to other older adults. If I don’t know one, I will look it up on Urban dictionary. I’m so lit like that.

Anyways, my son uses one of the latest ones which is Savage. He always going around saying, “I’m so savage, you’re so average.” First of all, I know I’m average, and below average most of the time. I pretend I’m offended, but secretly I don’t really care. Second, savage and average don’t rhyme you little stinky head. If they really rhymed, it would go, “I’m so saverage, you’re so average.” So take that. I might not be cool enough to say your fancy words, but you aren’t fancy enough to rhyme right. Guess you will never be a rapper or a poet. Guess you will just have to settle for being a football player or president of the United States. Talk about average.

I am average, you are savage.

The other one they use a lot is Gucci. I like to use their words slightly wrong, just so they get mad at me. It’s my way of getting revenge for all those years they kept me up at night with their whining and crying and complaining that they needed food and water and shelter over their heads. I played hide and seek and hid really well one time and can’t seem to forgive me. So l left them outside in freezing cold one time. Geez. Guess I’m not as Gucci as they would like me to be.

They thought I was pretty average until I made them clean their rooms. But when I wouldn’t let them get away with it, then all of a sudden I became a savage. And as much as they want to be part of a Gucci Gang (a song by a rapper) they aren’t old enough for one.

Boom Roasted!

I’m sure they have all moved on to some more made up words, that some rapper or way over the top celebrity made up and I’m fine with that. It won’t be long before I discover it, use it to the point of embarrassing them and they will go on to the next one. I can do this all day.

You see, they don’t understand how much power I have. Just by using words they do, it stops them from doing them. That seems like a superpower to me, don’t you think?

I may not be savage, and I’m most certainly average, but I have a power they don’t.  The power to shut them up.

ARRRRGGGHHHH

Bitter Unsavage Ben

 

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18 thoughts on “Not Savage, but Average

  1. I can’t count the number of “Evil Looks” my hubby and I got from our teen daughter during the MTV Music Awards. All we had to say was “did they say Snoop Doggy Doo?” – while laughing hysterically. She was so mad, she could not speak.
    I admit that we over-did the getting names wrong on several artists throughout the ceremony. It was the most fun we ever had watching what the kids wanted to watch.
    I believe that you, Ben, would especially enjoy doing this!
    JL

    Liked by 1 person

    • You better believe I would enjoy that. Making me kids bitter is kind of a life long goal for me. In fact, I am already prepping my daughter to take over the blog when I get too old to type things. I will have to make her change her name though, because it doesn’t start with a B.

      Like

  2. “Oh you wanna play word games, do you? I shall have you know that my sesquipedalian tendencies culminate in a lexicon antithetical to the vernacular. Now behave lest I taunt you again.”

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You should teach other parents that superpower… I’m pretty sure tons of them would pay big bucks to make their kids shut up. But I’d make tutorial videos, if I were you. Giving actual classes, in person, is probably exhausting, and cuts a whole deal on couch-time!

    Liked by 1 person

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