Bitter Noise Pollution


I have two brothers and when we were growing up, we caused my parents a few headaches. Whether it was climbing on the roof of our house, jumping off the staircases to the level below, or throwing pencils at each others legs and making them stick (ask my brother about the graphite poisoning I caused him). My sister even recalls me and my brother having conversations in our sleep (some people don’t just sleep talk, they sleep conversate).

My brother when I hit him with the pencil in his leg.

This lead my mom to give us the nickname the Noise Boys. If we are any indication of the level of noise you need to make to get that moniker, the place I work next to should get the name Boom Town. I guess my tolerance for noise has gone way down, or the place I work next to is just way loud. Between the constant MMMMMMMMMMMMM and the airplanes going off at the nearby airport, we live in Boom Town, USA. If it weren’t for the supposedly soundproof walls around here, I would probably be deaf or having dreams about nuclear disasters, with bombs going off regularly.

Coincidentally, the church I go to has this really big divide of demographics. About a half of the people are what I would call the Jurassic portion, who walked the earth with the dinosaurs and have hearing aids the size of satellite dishes. They like to come early, not only so they can sit near the front where the pews are nice and sofa soft, but because they don’t know if this will be their last time. Oh and also so they can hear. And they like to visit. There are a few of us that have kids in the 10 – 15 range and then there is a really large piece of the pie that have kids between 0-3.

Only every day.

I think the parents of those kids must tell their little ones that they need to be loud so the fossilized ones up front can hear them. They let them wander, treat the back like it is a gymnasium and make all kinds of noise. I thought it was a polite thing to take you kids out when they got a little rowdy so the rest could fall asleep peacefully to the talks given, but some parents think that if they have to suffer so should the rest of us.

There is one family that has a 1 year old that we disaffectionately like to call goat boy. He makes a noise just like a goat. But when goats make the noise, they at least like to break things up and stop every once in a while. This kid just keeps going. Just like the constant loud hummmmmmm we hear outside of work, this kid can replicate. As much as I like being distracted from doing anything productive, this kid makes me want to punch me head just so I can hear a ringing to drown his goat sound out.

Goat boy when he is thirsty.

The crazy thing is the parents just allow it and never take him out. I can only imagine they must get some sort of sick satisfaction from making all of us very bitter. I wonder if they are working on a torture devices for the FBI and we are just their test market.Β  If the FBI needs any witnesses that it works, I will be the first in line to tell them it does. I think waterboarding would be tame compared to hearing goat boy for hours on end.

I know I can’t be the only one that finds noise super annoying. What noises around you, drive you up the wall? What is your goat boy? What noise makes you tense up every time you hear it?


Bitter Noise Polluted Ben

42 thoughts on “Bitter Noise Pollution

    • Tonight at an orchestra concert there was a girl whining the whole time because she was cold and needed her jacket and another kid in our row screaming at his parents to shut up right when the orchestra went quiet. It was a banner night.


    • I am always yelling at my kids to be quiet. Talk about a hypocrite. And I am always saying, “Stop it! Now Go to your room!” No wonder they are always confused.
      I am such a night person too. Love the peace of the quiet and not having to talk to anyone.


  1. Funny post Bitter Ben. I’d say ‘keep up the good work’ but that sounds like low-key bullying. An implied threat? But of course. I’ll take my business elsewhere. (Sigh, another sentence I”ll never hear someone say to me)
    Mmmmmm. My irritating noise? Spa music when I’m not in a spa, I guess. Like comic Bill Burr, I’m walking around at a six.


    • Gulp, gulp, gulp. I’m sure he says the same thing, but about you. BTW, let me know how this Upwork thing works. I think I am going to set up my profile today and would appreciate your help on that. Since you are my employee and all.


  2. Ha! This made me snort-laugh! πŸ˜€
    (snort-laughing might be annoying to some people. πŸ˜€ )

    Being one of 8 siblings, having taught Kindergarten for years and years, having kids of my own (now all grown), and having a husband…I learned a long time ago how to tune noises (and people) out. Ha. πŸ˜›

    The noise has to be the smoke alarm going off (“Honey, dinner’s ready!) or some other loud siren-y noise that won’t quit for me to get annoyed.

    HUGS!!! πŸ™‚
    PS…Now I’m thinking about Jim Breuer.


  3. A few annoying noises. When someone picks their nose. The sound of a tire going flat as I am doing sixty. The sounds of silence dotted with more silence. The sounds of being nagged. Trumps voice.
    Hand gestures. People pumping up their egos. Sorry but I am worn out from all the noise.


  4. I believe everybody gets a complimentary “goat boy” these days. It’s like the crying baby on international airlines. But for sheer “SHUT UP!” it’s those idiot car alarms that drive me nuts.


  5. I am super sensitive to noise (and smells, actually, if you want to write a bitter post about those). I hate hearing other people’s music — through the headphones they are wearing, the walls, their cars, whatever. If I didn’t intend to hear music, don’t make me listen to yours — especially if it’s just the “boom boom” without any real sense of music. I could go on and on… The noise that makes me tense is actually just a case of PTSD now. It is the sound of my former boss’s high heels “clickety clickety click” as she made a beeline from her office to mine, to enter and close the door behind her with a “do you have a moment?” It was always followed by some sort of confrontational tone, usually about something insignificant. I had to teach myself how to fart on command just to get her out of my office quickly. She left our office for good some time ago, but I still feel myself tense when I hear a similar “clickety clickety click.” That’s my goat boy.


  6. LOL Goat Boy, I literally lol’d on that one! I annoyed at restaurants when little ones run amuck, or even worse…when they are sitting in the booth behind me beating my head with whatever equally obnoxious toy they’re playing with.


    • Yeah, Goat Boy is kind of a Legend around our house. I had to ask them for funds for Scouts and it said their name on the form and I was like “Who is that?” Then I remembered it was them, and I was like, “Oh great, we have to go to Goat’s Boys family!”

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I wonder if it’s like when you live next to the railroad tracks or have a clock that chimes every quarter hour–you get completely used to it to the point where you don’t even hear it anymore and it never occurs to you that other people find it intensely annoying. The sound that really drives me crazy is the sound of a construction vehicle backing up. They never seem to drive forward in Toronto, unfortunately.


    • I used to live about two or three blocks from a gun club and whenever people first came to our house (and when I first moved there), it sounded like World War 3 was going on. People would say, “What is that?” and I would be like “What is what?” I got used to it, but people weren’t at all.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m being flooded with noise pollution today. My boss, whose office is mere feet away from mine, has a cold and keeps clearing his throat and sucking up his snot every 2 minutes. On top of that we’re currently in a volume war because I’m trying to drown out his Alex Jones with Top 5s videos. My ears may start bleeding at any moment.


  9. It drives me crazy hearing people chewing, especially with their mouths open. There is also that one kid in church that babbles and whines loudly that the parents must think is cute because they never take him out. There was that lady at the gym this week that brought her screaming baby into the adult only locker room. Most of the time I don’t say anything which annoys me even more…


    • I know. The bitterest part about all this annoying noise is that we will probably never say anything to the parents/offenders so nothing will ever change. If only I had it in me to be rude and tell these people to put a pipe in it….

      Liked by 1 person

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