I have two brothers and when we were growing up, we caused my parents a few headaches. Whether it was climbing on the roof of our house, jumping off the staircases to the level below, or throwing pencils at each others legs and making them stick (ask my brother about the graphite poisoning I caused him). My sister even recalls me and my brother having conversations in our sleep (some people don’t just sleep talk, they sleep conversate).
This lead my mom to give us the nickname the Noise Boys. If we are any indication of the level of noise you need to make to get that moniker, the place I work next to should get the name Boom Town. I guess my tolerance for noise has gone way down, or the place I work next to is just way loud. Between the constant MMMMMMMMMMMMM and the airplanes going off at the nearby airport, we live in Boom Town, USA. If it weren’t for the supposedly soundproof walls around here, I would probably be deaf or having dreams about nuclear disasters, with bombs going off regularly.
Coincidentally, the church I go to has this really big divide of demographics. About a half of the people are what I would call the Jurassic portion, who walked the earth with the dinosaurs and have hearing aids the size of satellite dishes. They like to come early, not only so they can sit near the front where the pews are nice and sofa soft, but because they don’t know if this will be their last time. Oh and also so they can hear. And they like to visit. There are a few of us that have kids in the 10 – 15 range and then there is a really large piece of the pie that have kids between 0-3.
I think the parents of those kids must tell their little ones that they need to be loud so the fossilized ones up front can hear them. They let them wander, treat the back like it is a gymnasium and make all kinds of noise. I thought it was a polite thing to take you kids out when they got a little rowdy so the rest could fall asleep peacefully to the talks given, but some parents think that if they have to suffer so should the rest of us.
There is one family that has a 1 year old that we disaffectionately like to call goat boy. He makes a noise just like a goat. But when goats make the noise, they at least like to break things up and stop every once in a while. This kid just keeps going. Just like the constant loud hummmmmmm we hear outside of work, this kid can replicate. As much as I like being distracted from doing anything productive, this kid makes me want to punch me head just so I can hear a ringing to drown his goat sound out.
The crazy thing is the parents just allow it and never take him out. I can only imagine they must get some sort of sick satisfaction from making all of us very bitter. I wonder if they are working on a torture devices for the FBI and we are just their test market. If the FBI needs any witnesses that it works, I will be the first in line to tell them it does. I think waterboarding would be tame compared to hearing goat boy for hours on end.
I know I can’t be the only one that finds noise super annoying. What noises around you, drive you up the wall? What is your goat boy? What noise makes you tense up every time you hear it?
Bitter Noise Polluted Ben