It’s funny because she wears a wig that makes her unrecognizable in public!
When my kids were young they liked to watch Disney shows. While Disney is really good at making future stars out of these young actors and actresses, they are really bad at making them funny. At least at that age. The shows are terrible. And they certainly aren’t funny unless you are a kid who thinks anything is funny. They hide the fact that they aren’t funny by this thing we all know and dislike called a laugh track. That shiz is ridiculous.
I kept thinking that laugh tracks were huge waste of time, until I thought about them being used in a different way. Instead of just using them for stupid kids shows, we could use them for much better things. How about anytime we are in a social situation, in which stupid people are not privy to something we say or do being completely funny, we just shock them with a little laugh buzzer. Then they would have a way better idea of what your sense of humor was and if they didn’t laugh, at least you get the canned laughter to keep you going. They would help in those uncomfortable situations where you are the only person laughing and everyone else is just staring at you.
But let’s not stop with a laugh track. There could be a bitter track. Whenever you are busy and can’t deal with people, or not busy and can’t deal with people, there would be some sort of sensor that would track people nearby that would give them an, “ooooh” that would warn them that you are not in the mood. Then only really oblivious people would bother you. But then it would give them a tiny shock and a Pavlov’s dog kind of thing would start happening. After a while, even oblivious people would start keeping back whenever you needed them to.
For those triumphs when you completed your stairmaster training.
There could also be an dramatic track. Whenever you had a huge triumph, such as getting a raise, getting rid of a clingy significant other, or just walking into a room for dramatic effect, loud, dramatic, pounding classical music would start playing. If you paid enough for the extras you could even have explosions going off behind you. No more worrying that no one cares about your huge accomplishments. Though some people probably wouldn’t have to worry much, since they don’t do any worth celebrating.
For those people that don’t really accomplish things, but just have bad things happen to them, there would be the drama track. It would alert everyone that something bad happened to them and you should immediately come and talk to them and console them. It would allow them to not have to sigh really loudly, or make them wait for you to ask them how their day is going to start the big, long whoa is me explanation they have been waiting to tell you. Just a little drama track to let you know how they want to vent. This would also allow people who aren’t enablers to steer clear when they don’t want to get involved.
Let’s start to get some use out of these laugh tracks instead of just using them for Disney shows.
What are some tracks you could make better use of?
ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH
Bitter Emotional Tracks Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
My brain instantly went to the bitter & irreverent… like hitting the laugh track button whenever your boss talks or whenever it could be used for sarcastic comedy ends.
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Of course. The boss needs to know that when he talks, everyone knows that he is boring the stuffing out of you.
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I like a sarcasm track. Something with a ticking that you can use when people are trying to figure out if you’re being sarcastic or serious. I would get so much use out of that thing.
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I would too. Though my son is getting better at understanding sarcasm, some people at work need to get much better at sarcasm detecting.
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People who don’t get sarcasm make me sad – they’re just missing something special in life!
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Yes, they are. Like humor, and the reason for living, pizza.
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Oh, I don’t need much. A simple trumpet flourish when I enter a room will suffice. That should drown out the crickets.
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That would be great. Then your family would know the right time to cheer and clap for you when you got home. They don’t seem to do that anymore these days.
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Funny stuff, BitterBen!!! 😛
Well, I pest, therefore I am. So, my friends might say a tornado warning siren might be helpful for those I am about to pest. 😀
Hey! Some people might not find me so pest-y after listening to that! 😛
Personally, I’d love to have this track play as I enter rooms:
HUGS!!! 🙂
BTW: I am a fun fun FUN pest! 😀
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There is a constant hum that is going outside the building I work that sounds a lot like that noise. Thankfully, our building is pretty soundproof, or I couldn’t work here.
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Maybe someone(s) is/are outside the building trying to write a song ??? “Hum hum…hum hum hum hum hum…hum…” 😛
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Maybe. But if that kid is named Bieber, then I would rather he do that in Canada.
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Excellent post! I proposed that very idea on a blog post called I Had a Dream about a month ago. It’s technically too much work, but fun to think of, to have a laugh track at your beck and call!
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I appreciate you letting me steal your post idea and not giving you credit. That was so nice of me. I need to go read that post so I can see how much of it I stole from you. Either that or bitter minds think alike….mmm probably me just stealing.
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How about a burp track?
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That would be awesome. Something like they do in animated shows. But in real life.
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I would need the “silent” movie track.
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Silence sounds golden. It would be even better if people around you were forced to be silent. Then you could see co-workers screaming at you, but you couldn’t hear them.
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I think I’d need a constant soundtrack…. People always say I am sneaky. I just don’t make noise when I enter a room, and when people finally notice me, they jump up. And people make seem to think that I do that on purpose, when really, I think it is a clear sign of the excitement my presence brings them…. I can’t help it if I am stealthy!
Come to think again, I’d turn it off during the night, though. And when I nap… And when I DO sneak on people deliberately!
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Oh my gosh, I used to work with a girl like that. No matter how loud she tried to make herself, she always managed to find a way to sneak up on me. I drove me freaking nuts! It was so hard to screw around at work with her around.
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If only my parents had noticed when I was a kid, and pushed me to become a super-spy! I probably would have ended up extra-sexy. Women spies always are….
Too late now… there is no way I am going to spy-school at my age!
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I would have liked to be a spy, but not the active kinds that runs after people like James Bond, but more of the ones that hide out for hours in camo watching TV’s on couches.
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Since most people want to save the world and get the Bond girl in the end, I am guessing the hiding spies positions must be more difficult to fill, and therefore, the paycheck more interesting… Win-win
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I think you are right. I suppose that I will probably be in more demand, because they need people alive. I would last longer in my camo and therefore would be much more needed.
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Mouahahah excellent point!
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I must have mistakenly made a good point. It is pretty rare for me to do so.
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What I would like is Jeopardy music to play on cue every time I need to remember that thing that I forgot.
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That would be kind of helpful, but I usually strike out whenever that music is playing.
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@g.0.i
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I am pretty sarcastic. I was thinking maybe Meatloaf’s “I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…” on a loop but I’m not sure. What track would you recommend?
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I am also pretty sarcastic. I would say that the song, “Young, Dumb and Broke”, by some rapper, I don’t know, but change the lyrics to “Old, Dumb, and Broke”.
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I’m super clumsy. I need a track of Benny Hill music following me around.
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How cool would that be to have following you around? Would that make you speed up too?
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If I’m this clumsy in real time I’d be afraid to speed things up.
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Isn’t Benny Hill music that stuff that is sped up? It would be even more funny to see the music all sped up and you just walking around in real time.
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Lol!!!!
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Maybe for your YouTube channel?
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